Why Can't Lindsay Lohan Keep Guns Away From Her Mouth?
OK, this is just weird: A new character poster for Machete features Lindsay Lohan as The Sister, a vengeful-nun role first teased in the film's more stirring trailer earlier this summer. Fine and good, except that Robert Rodriguez's jailbound, profanicured muse was first practicing her oral pistol fixation for photographer Tyler Shields last spring. Should we be, uh, worried?
There are more disturbing images where the Shields photo came from; much more disturbing, anyhow, than anything we can or should expect from Machete. I'm sure there is an Inferno/Linda Lovelace connection to draw here as well, but I have no idea what that might be.
In any case: Can we all agree that we've seen enough of the despondent starlet with guns in her face to last a while? More than a while? At least until the cover photo of her prison diary, kneeling suggestively at a lady-guard's holster. Don't laugh -- you know it's coming. And none of this is especially funny anyway.
· Lindsay Lohan is One Naughty Sister [Popaholic via ONTD]
· Lindsay Lohan [Tyler Shields]
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Comments
I think the question isn't why she can't keep guns away from her mouth. I think the REAL question isn't why doesn't she go through with it already?
C'mon, Linds. Put it closer. Good, now tilt it towards you. Ok, now remember to squeeze - not pull.
I just love how she was cast as a nun. That's about as believable as when they cast Tara Reid as a scientist.
Seriously, that's just vulgar and stupid.
Ok, I love this site, and I'm not going to defend that first comment of mine (since it WAS stupid, and meant to be). However, I feel the need to defend ME (in case you are thinking less of me because of a side comment).
I agree it was stupid, but I don't follow the vulgar claim. How? This website has had wonderfully snarky posts analyzing her every move (fingernails, multiple scenarios where she has a gun in her hand); yet, I make one comment about her shooting herself and I'M the bad guy? I OBVIOUSLY am not wishing death on her, as opposed to the people who aren't called out for using your site's Mel Gibson articles to blame JEWS for Mel being criticized (Seriously? These people are blaming JEWS for this? Like if he hadn't made Passion, people wouldn't have batted an eye for his drunk driving rant?!).
But anyways, once again I love coming to this site (about 1,000 times a day). I would completely understand being called out if I put an off-color comment on a TIME piece on BP; but me putting a nonserious, obviously sarcastic comment on a fun, snarky post? All while other posts have anti-semetic rants, or people vocally defending Polanski NOT being called out? Poppycock!
I have seen some of your comments and they are very funny but in this case you crossed a line by wishing suicide on another human being.
Why is it okay when Old No. 7 says, "Should have been you Heigl" and not okay when you said what you said? We would have to summon up the ghost of George Carlin to explain that one...
But, don't let it get to you. Comedy is all about learning what works and what doesn't. Just go back to making funny comments and lesson learned.
That's just my opinion, man.
Dude.
Click on the link and see some of the wonderful photography of Tyler Shields, then go back, read your post, then tell me how fucking funny it really was.
Thanks, Sunnydaze. It was wearing on me. I appreciate the encouragement.
I do admit my comment was stupid - which was its intent - but like you said, it didn't work. There are time I've seen comedians and thought, "Yeash, too far." But then they move on to material that wins you back. In that case, I like my second comment on this article better than the first. So I shall declare a mulligan.
I've enjoyed your comments as well.
Should have been you Old No. 7.
A good question. But also, another good question would be "Why can't Lindsay Lohan keep coke away from her nose or alcohol out of her bloodstream?"
@noahjames: Everyone crosses the line sometimes, and to the extent you enjoy coming here, of course we enjoy having you. But: It's basically what Sunny said about the suicide thing. If you really have to ask what's vulgar about telling someone to put a gun in their mouth and pull the trigger, then I can't really help you.
@sunny: "Should have been you, Heigl" is no doubt pretty far down the dark side of the comedy spectrum, but it is funny. It's just a compact little stinger that's kind of impossible to take literally -- as opposed to explicit instructions to a starlet to blow her brains out.
Why am I explaining this? How is this not clear?
For the record> I said "Should have been you, Heigl" was funny. (and you summed up the reason perfectly)
Why are you explaining? Because you do it so well...
I've already admitted that I shouldn't have made the comment, and it was off-color. I took responsibility that I crossed a line. That wasn't the point of me being irked. The point of my frustration was that people make horrible comments all the time (read the Mel Gibson posts) that are out-right HATE, and movieline doesn't step in. THAT's what I don't get.
I think it is because you are a recognizable commenter where as the others are batsh*t one offs. We have learned to either ignore or mock them.
But, hey, Old No. 7 liked your "joke" so there> proof that in comedy "nobody knows anything"...
Lindsay's just confused right now (I'm not talking about the picture yet). Her parents are physically there but it's not enough. They're just there to have media presence or whatever you call it - it's not about Lindsay anymore.
Excuse my French but screw Michael and Dina Lohan. They just want to make money out of their daughter.
Hopefully this movie will put her on the right track and bring back her status as a good actress.
What is beauty if it's not Lindsay? She is so beautiful I want to cry myself to sleep lol! I hope she won't live half her life in jail.. Papparazzi's can't get there lol! ;P