Bachelorette Studfinder: Ranking the 5 Remaining Studs

Producers finally let Ali Fedotowsky judge the last six Bachelorette hunks the way the rest of us choose life partners and interns: with naked wrestling matches. And we're all the wiser for it! While last night's episode kicked off with the hari kari elimination of Justin, who was revealed to have two girlfriends at home and a plan to "use the show to get famous" (don't laugh, Bob Guiney is still raking in TLC/Game Show Network dollars -- oh, all right, laugh), we still have five other lads to declare fit or unfit for Ali's un-sensual loving. Pair your rankings with ours.

5. Ty

He may have earned a one-on-one date in a Turkish bath with A-Fed and a rose too, but he hampered his chances by declaring himself "traditional." Ali's response ("That's one of the last words I would use to describe myself") was frosty and definitive. Oh, Ty. You're as innocent as the Beanie Baby company you were inevitably named after.

4. Frank

Who wants to date someone with a perpetual look of surprise on his face? Anyone? Frank looks like Edgar Bergen is fueling his smile with a jittery wrist. I concurred when Ali declared, "My relationship with you scares me." That's because his pupils are painted on, Ali. You're having hug dates with a haunted urethane figure in the cellar.

3. Chris L.

Chris was wariest of the wrestling stunt, but he managed to slide in a couple of one-liners before the slippery challenge, like "I use oil to grill asparagus!" which makes me like him. I wish he could amplify his Joe Punchcard niceness past a monotone, but he's still ahead of Traditional Ty and Frozen Frank.

2. Kirk

Kirk is so doomed. He's too funny and real and self-aware and not a producer puppet or an actual puppet (sorry again, Frank). But he is a fox -- Ali seems wooed by his charms (including his ripped bod), but only to a point. Doesn't she see that he resembles a 2010 version of Ken from Street Fighter II? He's got fireball machinery, Ali. Pick him.

1. Roberto

Roberto didn't have an exceptional episode. In fact, did he have dialogue? That's never the point. The point is, sporty salsa man Roberto's smile is so bright and his skin tone is so tantalizingly sienna that he wins this week based on looks and his pleasing cipher personality alone. Strangely, I also don't think he'll win. I feel like Chris will come from behind with his ho-hum asides. But Roberto's Chippendale physique is too undeniable in its oil-readiness. It's what winners look like, America.