Disneyfying the 5 Most Vulgar Lines Lindsay Lohan Will Say in Inferno

It seems like just yesterday that freckled face young lass bounded into our hearts, fresh from the Disney dream machine. Yes, with hair as red as Kool-Aid and a mischievous twinkle in her bright eyes, Lindsay Lohan made family movies remakes like The Parent Trap and Freaky Friday shimmer like they were brand new. The smash success of Mean Girls seem to portend the rise of an assured young comic actress who would transition smoothly into an adult acting career. But then...? Well, to quote the sage Rick James, cocaine is a helluva drug.

You know the rest of the story: all-night partying, out-of-control drinking, wild police chases and the occasional dip into the sapphic wading pool. As for her acting -- well, when was the last time you watched I Know Who Killed Me?

But Lindsay's got her comeback figured out. She's going to play Linda Lovelace, star of the notorious mainstream porno Deep Throat. Some of the script from Inferno has leaked out and man-oh-man, this thing is going to be intense. Particularly the sex scenes, which border on sadistic. What other way to describe a foursome with Sammy Davis, Jr. or a scene where Linds gets goaded into almost having sex with a dog. Where is that Disney logo when you need it?

Well, fear not LiLo! I'm posting a few bowdlerized lines from the script...but with a twist: I've taken out the objectionable Ps&Qs and replaced them instead with titles of some of Lohan's family-friendly flicks, so now everyone can enjoy Inferno. Happy Sunday!

Linda

I was put on this earth for one thing and one thing only -- to suck a footlong [Herbie Fully Loaded]!

Linda

To me, there is nothing more delicious than [Freaky Friday]. I love it! I like to smear it all over my face like Pond's cold cream.

Linda

I should sit in the back seat while you [Just My Luck] YOUR GIRLFRIENDS!

Linda

Is there anything I like more than [Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen]? Well, ON OCCASION.

Linda

I love it when my man Chuck socks it to me in the [Parent Trap]

· Revealed: Lohan's Porn-Star Script Has Rough Sex, Sad Sex, And Sex With A Dog [Jezebel]