Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List Reality Check: 'Toddlers and Remodelers'

Kathy Griffin blurred "real" and "fake" again during last night's D-List, this time in a novel way: She and her mother judged a toddler beauty contest, an event devoted to fake appearances and a Boulder-cold reality -- all while awaiting real renovations on her fake "D-List" home. Get all that? The layers are worth their own op-ed, but it's Movieline's job to pick the most real and fake moments from last night's episode. Strip down to your juniors bikini and sashay with us.

REAL: Kathy's mother is at once thrilled and weirded out by child pageants.

Ninety-year-old Maggie Griffin has always had a lot on her hands with attention-famished Kathy, but even she never compared to the glittery tots of this kiddie pageant. Tiaras! Tutus! Traumas! Maggie clapped as the kids trotted out to music, but later she said to Kathy, "They put so much work into this. What's the point?" Kathy calmly explained that the kids are supposed to look like whores, but that didn't placate Maggie, whose skepticism marked this episode's most sincere moment.

FAKE: Kathy requires the permission of a pageant coordinator to dress up onstage in sailor costumes, cowgirl fringe, and bikinis.

Just before Kathy interrupted the pageant to pose in her own array of costumes, she sought the permission of the above-pictured woman. Come on. Kathy was going to rock a "frisky sheriff" ensemble in front of those 4-year-olds no matter what. This woman and her rack of neon lycra posed no threat, and her scripted remarks were even less convincing: She claimed to have costumes fitted for Kathy's body sitting in her car. Either this woman is The Silence of the Lambs's Buffalo Bill, or this is the stagiest moment of D-List's seventh season. I don't see any lotion, hoses or dogs named Precious in the periphery. Mystery unraveled, dear readers.