Adventures in Fan Fiction: When Twilight Met Mad Men

PEGGY: But what is important is that when Eclipse opens a month from now, Burger King wants a TV spot emphasizing this debate.

DON: But what happened to the king we made for them? The guy in the mask? Those spots killed.

HARRY: They like the king, but they say he doesn't reach girls. And they need to reach girls.

PEGGY: Not just girls, but women.

HARRY: (Lifting binder) It's all in here.

DON: In a month? They didn't know they'd need to reach girls--

PEGGY: Women.

DON: Women... before today?

PEGGY: It's OK. I've solved it.

DON: Have you? Maybe our TV man should do our TV solving. What happened to Playtex? It's due yesterday, Peggy.

Peggy reaches into the box and pulls out a wide black sketchbook.

PEGGY: Just tell me what you think.

She crosses to the center of the suite, opening the sketchbook. Roger drops his newspaper as Peggy embarks on her presentation for the quartet of onlookers. Don glances at Harry, who shrugs through continued stretches.

The first sketch depicts the sunny exterior of a Burger King, into which a line of adolescent girls file furiously.

PEGGY: Open on a Burger King. A suburban location, maybe in Connecticut.

HARRY: (To Don) Tax breaks.

PEGGY: A group of young women enter in a rush. Their loyalties are split half and half between Team Edward and Team Jacob.

DON: How do we know? I mean, at a glance.

PEGGY: Maybe they have T-shirts. Or maybe their leaders do.

DON: Girls. In T-shirts.

PEGGY: It's the style, Don.

DON: It'll turn parents off. And it's their money.

PEGGY: The parents are buying them the shirts. But... (Turns page) The girls break into their teams, and they go table-to-table, where... (Turns page) Diners sit with a scratch-off card--

ROGER: Scratch-off card?

PEGGY: It's a... They have a scratch-off coating concealing several options. And one or several of them wins a prize if you choose correctly.

Everyone stares at Peggy. She's lost them.

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