Adventures in Fan Fiction: When Twilight Met Mad Men

"A promotional campaign for the third Twilight movie at Burger King takes advantage of the rivalry between Twilight fans enamored of the two main male characters. The campaign, scheduled to get under way on Monday, supports a game that Burger King customers can play [...] The game has two panels, one labeled "Team Edward," after the vampire heartthrob, and the other labeled "Team Jacob," after the hottie werewolf. In the campaign, dueling devotees of the two characters are seen marching into a Burger King restaurant, urging customers to play the game by scratching off the panel with their favorite character." -- NY Times, June 18

INT. STERLING COOPER DRAPER PRYCE -- DAY

It's a languid summer Friday upstairs at the Pierre, quiet but for the clacking of JOAN HOLLOWAY's IBM Selectric typewriter. ROGER STERLING lazes on a sofa in the main living area of the agency's hotel suite, nursing a Scotch and reading the afternoon's Journal American.

DON DRAPER enters from his work station in the bedroom, sleeves rolled up, lit cigarette tumbling from his lips. He checks his watch.

DON: Joan, have you heard from Harry Crane?

JOAN: Nothing yet, Mr. Draper.

DON: Has anyone heard from anyone? It's spooky.

ROGER: Summer Friday. Here... (He noisily turns a page of his newspaper.) Is that better?

Don scowls through an exhaled tobacco plume. He checks his watch again. As Joan pulls a completed letter from the typewriter, the suite door opens. HARRY CRANE enters with PEGGY OLSON. He winds and tilts with a stout cardboard box in his arms, crossing to a desk drenched in light from the amber afternoon. Peggy closes the door behind them.

HARRY: I'm sorry I'm late, it's just--

DON: You should have called.

HARRY: I know. We got hung up.

DON: What is that?

Harry plants the box on the desk. He leans back, stretching, as Peggy approaches Don. A BEAT elapses.

PEGGY: It's the future.

Don looks to Harry. Joan and Roger follow. Harry nods, and all their eyes peer down to the box.

ROGER: Well, at least it's portable.

DON: (to Harry) Would you care to explain?

HARRY: It's the Burger King account. They've gone all-out.

DON: How?

PEGGY: You've heard of Twilight, right?

DON: Who hasn't? Sally won't shut up about it.

PEGGY: There's a vampire and there's a werewolf. Edward and Jacob. And they vie for the affection of a human girl named Bella.

DON: Right. So what's in the box?

Harry pulls back the cardboard flaps and reaches into the box, withdrawing a stack of hardcover books and a thick binder. Its cover blares in heavy black letters: "THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE / IN-STORE / TEAM EDWARD / TEAM JACOB."

PEGGY: And the fans of the series vie among themselves for the superiority of one or the other in the Twilight subculture.

Don crosses to the desk and switches on its lamp. The tower of books gleams, still and heavy, monolithic against the files and sketches strewn around it. He lifts the topmost tome -- Breaking Dawn -- then sets it down to pick up the one beneath it: Eclipse.

DON: Don't tell me I'm going to have homework this weekend.

PEGGY: I've already read them.

HARRY: That's why we were late.

PEGGY: All you need to know is that the side favoring Edward -- the vampire -- is Team Edward, and the side favoring Jacob -- the werewolf -- is Team Jacob.

DON: Which are you?

PEGGY: (Hesitating) It's not important.

Harry mouths to Don behind Peggy's back: "Team Jacob."

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