Top Chef D.C.: 5 Things to Anticipate Based on the Premiere

Top Chef's seventh season brings viewers to Washington D.C., where competition is everyone's daily bread. After viewing the premiere, I've figured out five constants that we have to look forward to this year -- unfortunately, they've already eliminated John Somerville (the dreadlocked kook who first needed to master uncrossed eyes before taking on puff pastries), so the potential for greatness is somewhat hindered. Still, here are five things.

1. Damning Gentleness from Eric Ripert

The Frawnch nice-guy panelist is somehow the one whose reaction I fear the most. His unassuming barbs made me feel for booted contestant John more than Tom Colicchio's pestering did. His permanent spot on the show will make this season inevitably classy and terrifying and hawnh-hawnh-hawhn!-ish.

2. Incredible Puns

Last night's episode was entitled "House of Chef-presentatives." This season is subtitled "Hail to the Chef." I don't really know where else they can go with this. But they will! They will.

3. Angelo's Humble Goals

Angelo won the quickfire speed-dicing and the actual challenge. That'd be impressive enough, except he also offered this succinct summation of his ambitions: "I want to be the first contestant to win every challenge." Oh! You are now psychotic. Please don't own it!

4. Tracey Bloom's Camouflage-Panted Candor

She's been set up as the contestant we're supposed to love -- what with her raucous laughter and throwdown attitude -- and I oblige! When Kenny practically selected her as the weakest player, she kicked into gear and, well, didn't lose. I expect her to start a few ridiculous controversies too, so here's hoping she's more of a Marcel Vigneron than an Angelina from Jersey Shore.

5. Kenny Gilbert's Super-Serious Chicken-Gutting Attitude

OK, if you seriously dice onions and cut up chickens that fast, you are used to being feared. I hereby add myself to his illustrious list of trembling bystanders. I just hope he's not replaced in an upcoming episode by a Magic Bullet blender.