5 Subpar Directors Who Will Provoke Peter Jackson Into Making The Hobbit Himself

These days, it seems like everyone wants to direct The Hobbit except for Peter Jackson. After Guillermo del Toro left the project, it appeared that Jackson would be a natural fit to take the reins back to his Lord of the Rings franchise, but his reported reluctance has opened the door for unlikely contenders like David Dobkin (Wedding Crashers) and Brett Ratner (X-Men: The Last Stand). We're on to this game that the suits from MGM and WB seem to be playing: flirt with completely inappropriate directors who aren't right for the franchise in the hopes that they'll bait Jackson into directing the film himself! Here are five more candidates for the job who ought to be leaked to the press immediately:

Walt Becker

Who better to adapt J.R.R. Tolkien's masterpiece than the director of Old Dogs and Wild Hogs? Picture it: Seth Green as Bilbo Baggins, taking out a whole army of rampaging Wargs by kicking them in the nuts, one by one! And don't worry, straight dudes: there'll be none of that Frodo/Sam bromantical s**t going down in this movie. Every time Gandalf lays an approving hand on Bilbo's shoulder, the latter will react with the kind of gay panic Becker uses as the root of all his films' humor, because there's only one thing more terrifying than Smaug the dragon: some gay wizard thinking you might be into guys or something.

Shawn Levy

If there's one thing this franchise needs, its a clutch of name cameos from comedians who are much, much funnier in their other projects. Did you love Russell Brand in Get Him to the Greek? How about Ty Burrell on Modern Family? Imagine the ways in which Levy (Night at the Museum, Date Night) can use them to ill effect in Tolkien's Wilderland!

Stephen Sommers

The G.I. Joe director may be a bit of a diva, but when it comes to constant, unnecessary CG crowding the frame in every scene, he's practically overqualified for the gig. Imagine the relief Peter Jackson would feel knowing that he'd put the project closest to his heart in the hands of the man responsible for Van Helsing.

Uwe Boll

How would the famously hacky auteur tackle a project of this magnitude? By going straight to the source material -- and no, we don't mean the Tolkien novel. He'd be adapting the 2003 Xbox game of The Hobbit, of course.

McG

The Charlie's Angels helmer hit a bit of a rough patch with the debacle that was Terminator: Salvation, but at least it taught him valuable lessons about how to run a beloved franchise into the ground. Sure, the Terminator rights were virtually unbuyable afterward, but so is MGM right now! They'll have so much to talk about.

Two Studios Trying To Talk Peter Jackson Into Helming 'The Hobbit' Films (Say Yes!) [Deadline]