More Than 23 Questions About The Lost Series Finale, Answered!

Previously on Lost: A plane crashes on a mysterious island. Six years later, here we are.

By jetliner, VW bus, yellow Hummer, unmarked BMW, outrigger canoe, sailboat or submarine, please join us as we Answer the Final Set of Questions offered up by our last, constantly commercial-interrupted moments with our favorite group of merry castaways. (It should go without saying that a frank discussion of the Lost finale will be a long string of spoilers. Beware, those who sat out this searingly important cultural moment!)

"Oh, what a long, strange island it's been!"

-Driveshaft

So?

So.

Can we get on with it?

Yes, sure. Of course. We just have so many feelings.

While you get yourself together, how is Damon Lindelof holding up?

All things considered, he seems to be doing OK.

It's got to be tough for him. His Kimmel schedule is going to wind down to practically nothing, and soon the giddy 4 AM texts from Carlton about a great philosopher name for a new character will cease. Life will move on. But nothing will be the same. He welcomes the change, but at the same time, he fears it.

Christian Shephard. Christian. Shephard. Seriously?

Oh, shut up, Kate. You don't suddenly get to be wise-assy at this point. Now take your generic TV character name, squeeze into this hot dress, and wait for your Wake-Up without all the needless sarcasm.

Who can tell Kate why she's here?

No one can tell her why she's here. Not in a here here way. Like here, in this car. Obviously, she's in the car. We're talking in a larger way, like in regards to the purpose of her life. She'll have to figure that out later, maybe by reuniting with her true love, or staring down the business end of a birth canal as a screaming, placenta-drenched payload of Big Answers hurtles towards her.

So Jack really went through with the whole "new Jacob" deal?

He did. He even held his own Campfire Answers Summit with the gang, around the smoldering embers of Old Jacob, for symbolic purposes. (And Cuselindedamonton never met a neat parallel they could resist.) Among the subjects discussed, as requested by Sawyer: sights seen on the mountaintop, minutes of his conversation with the burning bush, why Smokey didn't extinguish the Light himself (ain't got what he needs, i.e., Desmond, the magic leprechaun).

Better guyliner: Richard Alpert or Dissolute Flash-Sideways Charlie?

While Richard had the more consistent, natural-looking application, Charlie seems like he told a Beverly Center MAC makeup artist to "I wanna look like Liza Minnelli after a week-long crying bender."

Why did Jack take the Jacob gig?

Because he was supposed to. Because the island's the only thing he's got left, the only thing he's never ruined. He makes an excellent point. He's ruined a lot of things, and he desperately needs to complete a character arc that will somewhat unsurprisingly serve as the arc for the entire series.

When Kate tells Jack that "nothing is irreversible," did that sound very familiar?

You may remember "nothing is irreversible" from episode 604, when Jack offers to fix Sideways Locke's paralysis.

When Ben joined up with Smokey, should he have gotten some clarification about what exactly Smokey meant when he said he was going to "destroy the island"?

There was a time when everything Ben did seemed perfectly calculated. But now he's switching sides willy-nilly, grasping for an angle, and not finding out in advance whether or not his smoke monster confederates intend to literally or figuratively destroy the island he's been promised as a reward for his assistance in potentially bringing about the end of existence as we know it. Ben is slipping. Maybe he just needs some more time to reflect upon how he's lived his life...

Hey, did you hear that? That really obvious walkie-talkie sound?

Hmm, no idea what you're talking about! There are definitely no walkie-talkies here that someone is using to communicate with a ghost-whisperer trying to fix an airplane that we plan on using to escape the island! [Fumbles with volume knob on walkie-talkie, hopes secret escape plan has not been foiled by an incredibly stupid lapse in volume-knob adjustment.]

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