Win a Chance to Tell Sarah Jessica Parker Where to Shove SATC 2

Nothing personal against Sarah Jessica Parker, seriously, but someone has to be held responsible for the harrowing, encroaching reality of Sex and the City 2. If she'd just walk away from the property -- its by-the-numbers grotesqueries and unwatchable desert caravans -- it would all end, and the civilized world could return to swatting away bloated comic-book flicks and video-game adaptations. If you happen to agree and want the opportunity to personally bring SJP to the light, then does Warner Bros. ever have the contest for you.

Failing a successful Facebook petition drive to demand an apology from studio boss Alan Horn and/or writer-director Michael Patrick King, check out this easy-does-it means of getting a call from the film's other primary accomplice: "Give us your mobile number and get a message from Sarah Jessica Parker on the day the movie opens!," notes a new Web site. "One lucky person will receive a personal call from Sarah Jessica Parker herself!"

Oh, yes! You will be lucky, presuming that Warners hasn't invented some Earth-shattering algorithm for hater ID. Imagine the importance, the strength, the heroism of your message on May 27:

· "Oh, Sarah Jessica Parker, eh? The one and only? Yeah, can you hold on a sec? I'm defacing one of your posters."

· "Wow. I guess that's the last time I drunk contest-enter."

· "Huh, that's strange. The caller ID came up, 'Horrible Cynic With a Movie Opening This Weekend.' I thought it was going to be Jerry Bruckheimer."

· "Hi! Oh my God, what a coincidence! I just, like, five minutes ago sold all my Sex and the City DVD's. I got $30! Those things really depreciate. Anyway, how are you?"

· "Moooommmmmm! It's for you!"

...and so much more. You get the idea. Good luck!

· Win a Call From Sarah Jessica Parker! [Warner Bros.]