Who to Blame? The 5 Biggest Culprits in American Idol's Worst Season

Even if Crystal Bowersox ranks among American Idol's finest talents (and I believe she does), something's rotten in the state of Seacrest this year. Last season, Idol rejuvenated itself with a blend of personalities -- from subtle craftsman Kris Allen to sparkle sorcerer Adam Lambert. This season's Idol cast is dogged by a number of distracting elements -- and worst, the Idol-consuming populace is confused over the true culprits in this fiasco. Thus, we're ranking the five biggest contributors to Idol's weakest year. Hopefully number one will start to garner the skewering it deserves. Daggers ready!

5. The Kara/Simon Sideshow

This unfortunate non-drama subsided in recent weeks, but the memory burns on: Kara DioGuardi, who gives arguably the best criticisms most nights, confused herself for the star of the show and wasted our time caressing Simon's shoulders and gnawing his chest. At season's start, DioGuardi mentioned to the press that she felt obligated to revive some of Paula Abdul's shtick, which included contestant sympathy and an unpredictability factor. Well, that explains her flagrant attempt to stir up a saucy, buddy-buddy relationship with Simon, but it doesn't justify why she thought it should be so time-consuming.

4. Contestant Nervousness

No one should be crucified for showing nerves on a national stage, at least to start. But if these contestants are serious about pop idol status, shouldn't this platform be more empowering than discouraging? Lee DeWyze's worried warble, Aaron Kelly's prenatal shakes, Casey James' cautious bleat, and Alex Lambert's post-vomit trembles were eye- and ear-sores all season long. It made them seem like unwilling combatants, the least telegenic quality an Idol contestant can have.

3. The Themes/Song Selection

By this time in Idol's run, we need cooler themes. These months of outdated ideas ("Inspirational Week," anyone? "Frank Sinatra Week"? "Elvis Week"?) have transformed the talent pool into a mushy, urgency-deprived karaoke machine. Some of the burden is on the contestants themselves, who don't need to choose "I Believe I Can Fly" or "When You Believe" but labor our tolerance anyway. Still, the quantity of available goodness is seriously limited, and I can only think of a handful of times where the singers mined gems -- aside from Rolling Stones week, the competition's best moment.

2. Ellen DeGeneres

Let's put it bluntly: Ellen DeGeneres could not have been any worse this season. She was scarcely funny. She almost always agreed with and watered down Randy's "points." She couldn't authoritatively stand behind a negative criticism. Worst of all, she never justified her position on the panel, resembling a specter of the TV icon we once knew. Reviewing her comments from throughout the season, she said a version of the phrase, "You know I'm a fan" or "You know I think you're great" to nearly every contestant. You'd think a new presence infiltrating Idol's long-established panel would do more to substantiate her gig than pander to contestants.

1. The Voters

Surprise! You did this to yourselves! As much as we can lay into the judges' inconsistency, Ryan Seacrest's unhinged showmanship, or a cast of wheezing wannabes, the main problem with season nine is horrible home-viewer voting. There's a reason we were promised a year of standout female talents at season's start: Your Top 5 should've been Crystal Bowersox, Siobhan Magnus, Didi Benami, Lilly Scott and Katelyn Epperly. Lee DeWyze's (GrizzLee Bore) tuneless whimper-growls, Casey James' unassuming coffeehouse appeal, and Michael Lynche's Cool Whip commercial "soul" should've deserted Hollywood weeks ago.

We've witnessed so much sympathy voting this year -- from Tim Urban's continued survival to a grim use of the Judges' Save, all on behalf of the lagging male talent pool. Siobhan and Didi -- discernible personalities who not only had great voices but utilized them singularly -- gave one "off" performance apiece. Lilly Scott and Katelyn Epperly were voted out after some of their best efforts. When you reinspect the oeuvre of the four remaining guys, you find plenty more misses than hits.

While viewers can claim that Idol's personnel shifts have added a layer of annoyance to the show, they can't claim they didn't design this strangely uninteresting turnout themselves.