Real Housewives of New Jersey Reality Check: Jersey Boys Don't Cry

Last week on the Real Housewives of New Jersey, Danielle sacrificed her virginal 15-year-old daughter to the fashion industry in exchange for trips to Milan and trash bags full of cash. Danielle came one step closer to realizing that dream during last night's episode, "Catty Walk," when her daughter worked the runway at New York Fashion Week -- and when I say worked the runway, I mean that the poor girl dry-heaved until she was escorted out of the show while her oblivious mother chatted up anyone with a microphone. Meanwhile, in a tent across the park, 10 months-pregnant Teresa watched as her kindergarten-aged daughter introduced the fashion world to the Gia Giudice street walk -- part attitude, part hooker hip shake. So please, follow us down the runway for last night's real and fake jackpot winners.

TRUE: Christine Now Has Enough Video Evidence to Emancipate Herself From Her Mother

Last week, Movieline suggested that 15-year-old Christine start squirreling away evidence that she may be better off without her mother, who, just to refresh everyone's memories, has been involved in kidnapping, cocaine possession, falsely accusing her first husband of raping her on a bed of broken glass, and prostitution. Now you can add "emotional distress" to her rap sheet.

In last night's episode, Danielle complained about not having enough money to support her children (in front of her children), then suggested that the only relief from this financial pressure would come courtesy of Christine's modeling career. Determined, Danielle plied her daughter with confidence for her New York Fashion Week debut ("You can walk in 8-inch heels, right?") and gloated about how Christine's career would make the other housewives jealous.

When Fashion Week finally came, Christine was terrified but unable to depend on her mother's comfort because Danielle was too busy leading her camera crew in circles backstage and offering interviews to reporter after reporter while her malnourished daughter nearly passed out on the stage behind her. Now, who wants a photo?

FALSE: Joe Giudice Was Crying at a Fashion Week

Joe Giudice jus' doesn't cry, yous got it? Teresa's husband is as manly as they come: he shoves stuffed pink unicorns into trash cans with a single finger, he watches as his wife makes tomato sauce on the driveway, and he beams as his better half regales a dining room full of people (and cameras) about his unquenchable sexual thirst. Also, he taunts his nervous daughter on the way to her New York Fashion Week debut -- calling her a crybaby and asking if she is ready to walk the "ugly runway." (Apparently, Joe read that there is a separate show for the ugly models.)

So just why was his face as red as a roma tomato and why were tiny water droplets forming in his eyes as Gia walked the cat walk? Who knows. But those sure weren't tears.