What's On: Incensing with the Stars

Anyone still freakishly bitter -- if unsurprised -- that Niecy Nash was sent packing last week on Dancing with the Stars? Sisterchild, I sure am. At least she was funny. Now we're left with Chad Ochocinco to zap us with quips and buzzwords and chest clutches, and that's not the same. At least tonight's viewing options leave us with many decent alternatives, including the finest film ever about taking over a delirious recluse's candy empire.

Chuck [NBC, 8 PM]

Chuck's dad-of-a-certain-age (Scott Bakula) complicates one of his son's missions and discovers that a new, scary version of Intersect has been digitally transferred into Chuck. At least now viewers can watch Chuck with a certain level of comfort -- he's officially back for next season. That said, if Chuck is infected with Intersect strains, maybe this can turn into the world's first cyberworld medical drama.

Dancing with the Stars [ABC, 8 PM]

As we near the competition's end, we have to wonder: Can Chad Ochocinco and Erin Andrews really outlast Evan Lysacek and Nicole Scherzinger? In this 90-minute ep, Chad and Erin have to jive like mean two-steppers and wear their best barbershop quartet outfits. There's no chance otherwise. Have you seen Evan's glassy stare? He is obviously built for choreography and winning.

Real Housewives of New Jersey [Bravo, 10 PM]

Dina's can't take the inter-family commotion anymore, so she decides to clear things up by reaching out to a Zen master. Dina is not that smart. Or maybe the Zen master will put down the incense for a second and mutter, "Try getting rid of these cameras and your friends who keep screaming." But it's far too early in the season for Dina to move to the city, reach her inner peace, and start a headband line.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory [ABC Family, 8:30 PM]

If you are a human being, the words "Roald Dahl" and "Gene Wilder" will make you cry like a hypoglycemic entering The Chocolate Room -- it's just too much majesty in one sentence, frankly. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, an adaptation of Roald Dahl's Charlie and Chocolate Factory, follows five candy-lovers as they gain access into Willy Wonka's magical, moralizing palace. The best of the quintet: Violet Beauregarde, the world's leading chewing gum savant, and Mike Teevee, the western-obsessed 10-year-old whose dad won't buy him a real gun until he turns 12. Please click the video below only if you want to view paradise.