The Gossip Girl Pun Index: Gone Daddy Gone

And with that you can close the book on William Baldwin's William van der Woodsen. At least until May sweeps next year. Thanks to some old fashioned teamwork and Blair Waldorf-led scheming, the kids on Gossip Girl were able to out Papa van der Woodsen as a liar, charlatan and overall jerk. Well, to everyone but Serena, that is, who despite being abandoned by her father for most of her life, refused to believe that he could ever do anything wrong. Because she's a pouty idiot. Anyway, "Ex-Husbands and Wives" set the stage for what should be a great finale next week -- will Blair and Chuck finally make up?! -- but what really matters today are the puns. To the list!

· "Talk about love thy neighbor. Next time Rufus, choose one who knows how to keep a secret."

There was a hilarious moment last night when the self-righteous Rufus stood in front of his entire family with the woman who was allegedly his mistress (she wasn't) and asked her to tell them the truth about their relationship. She lied and his Botox'd brow furrowed ever so slightly. Oh and in case you were wondering, this isn't a pun.

Puntastic Rating: 0 out of 5.

· "You better hope this doctor gets heeled, before someone else gets hurt."

Gossip Girl reached deep into her bag of tricks to think of the "heeled/healed" pun, so an A for effort. But did we ever figure out why Holland -- the doctor in question and the woman who lied about sleeping with Rufus -- actually participated in this convoluted plot? Other than because she was crazy?

Puntastic Rating: 5 out of 5.

· "Watch out Lonely Boy. Seems your little sister has her own idea about your family's planning."

There's a birth control joke there, but it's a bit confused. Also gross, since we're talking about the related Dan and Jenny. Though considering the episode ended with Dan and his now step-sister (and ex-girlfriend) Serena looking quite cozy in the back of a limo, anything goes!

Puntastic Rating: 4 out of 5.

· "In this family feud, that's van der Woodsen 1, Humphrey 0."

Not great, but it makes me wonder: What Family Feud host does Gossip Girl love most? Hopefully Louie Anderson.

Puntastic Rating: 2 out of 5.