Real Housewives of New York Reality Check: Jill and Bethenny Open the Tear Gates

Last week on Real Housewives of New York City, viewers learned that Jersey psychics in cheetah-print sweat sets cannot be trusted. And while last night's episode, "Leap Before You Look," did not feature any scam mediums, it did feature a medium-sized, orange-tinted gay fellow who scammed LuAnn into a date. Meanwhile, Bethenny cried because her dad was dying, Jill cried because she did not know that Bethenny's dad was dying, and Kelly made small talk with a dog. So pour yourself a generous glass of pinot and join me after the jump to review the truest and fakest moments.

FALSE: LuAnn Has a Future With This Guy

If you think that you have bad taste in men, get a load of the man that LuAnn cruised in last night's episode. From a city packed with eligible gold-digging fellows, the Queen of Condescension zoomed in on an "author" named COURT. His red disco shirt was unbuttoned just enough to see a bit of chest hair, he described his book as "rocking" and "little out there." He was shaky, his jaw unhinged and his head flew back every time he fake-laughed and he actually told LuAnn -- a former Countess who prides herself in her impeccable manners and perfect French -- that he was planning on putting a hot babe on the cover to increase the "scandalocity" quotient. If this exotic word was not enough of a turn-on for LuAnn, the definition that followed was: "Scandalocity is the the speed at which scandal measured in velocity can turn you into a star."

He twitched and took sips of his pinot, and she revealed that she was actually working on a little single about how "you can't buy class." COURT was interested and asked to hear more, at which point LuAnn explained in her booming baritone, "I'm not Madonna but I could be the female Barry White." This was all Brian needed to hear to know that this was his chance to ride LuAnn's royal-sized coattails into D-list fame and he asked her on a date, "What would you say if I [twitch, twitch] asked you out?" She said yes, his jaw unhinged again with laughter and he said, "Well that's great."

As the two left the party early, Jill's friend observed, "OK, whoever LuAnn's date is -- he's got bad hair and he's gay!"

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