5 Can't-Miss Treatments for Avi Arad's Rumored Pac-Man Movie

Producer Avi Arad has been slumping a bit since his glory days at Marvel, but there's reason today to be optimistic about the genre guru's big-screen future. According to reports, Arad will attend next month's Electronic Entertainment Expo as part of the 30th anniversary of Pac-Man video-game debut. There, it is said, he will "offer insight into the worldwide premiere of his newest Pac-Man project." Which can -- and should (or shouldn't, really, but you know how these things go) -- only lead to one obvious conclusion: Someone wants to make a Pac-Man movie.

Even if it's jumping the gun, and Arad doesn't in fact want to add the legendary yellow pellet gobbler to his stable of would-be adaptations in the works (also including Mass Effect, Lost Planet and Uncharted), let's try to be optimistic about this. The Pac-Man mythology is fertile, versatile adaptation territory for the multiplex -- or at least more fertile and versatile than ViewFinder: The Movie or whatever else we've been numbly gaping at in Hollywood Ink for the last few months. With more than a month remaining before Arad's big presentation, here are a few pitches to help him get started:

· The Romcom: Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man have been an item for years, a pair of attractive, well-to-do yellow spheres whose pending nuptials have long been expected by both of their families. But a chance arcade encounter with a young, bohemian grad student leaves Ms. Pac-Man in the lurch on the eve of her wedding. Does she stick with the labyrinthine life she has always known, all the while chased by ghosts? Or does she break free of the 2-D grid and join her human suitor in the earthly world of bricks and mortar? Amy Adams, James Marsden and James Franco star.

· The Political Thriller: In a complex metaphor for the fraught political-action committees corrupting the current election climate, PAC-Man swans around Washington consuming every last dollar he can for a prospective Senate candidate. But as CIA spook Inky soon discovers, the fund-raiser is little more than a front for a Japanese gaming conglomerate with an eye on infiltrating the highest levels of U.S. government. Will anyone believe Inky as he pursues the voracious PAC-Man through the smoky back rooms of D.C.? Or will the cutthroat villain amass his perfect score of $3,333,360 before the establishment catches on? Ewan MacGregor and Clive Owen star.

· The Midlife-Crisis Dramedy: Pac-Man is 30. That's 45 in human years -- just about the time that the average video-game character takes sobering stock of what he's accomplished in life versus what remains. Trapped for years in the same neon maze and the same sexless marriage to Ms. Pac-Man, Pac-Man decides a change is in order. But that new car, job switch, organic-pellet diet and racy alternative lifestyle come at a cost, revealing that sometimes it's the game that makes the man -- not the man that makes the game. Ricky Gervais and Catherine Keener star.

· The Sundance Tragedy: Hour by hour, level by level, morbidly obese Pac-Man can't stop eating. After his second heart attack in as many years and a new diagnosis of diabetes, his doctor delivers the grave news that his ravaged body can endure no more -- if he can't shape up, this turn at life will be his last. But binging is the only way to outrun the monsters in his past, particularly the shadowy Rev. Clyde, whose predatory instincts doomed young Pac-Man to an eternity of consumption. With nowhere to turn and the specter of Clyde haunting him with a vengeance, Pac-Man sacrifices himself to the wretched video-game gods. An as-yet-undiscovered young talent will star with Peter Sarsgaard.

· The Gay Meta-Drama: Pac-Man has lived a lie for going on more than three decades, putting on a happy face every time he is expected to make a public appearance with his romantic partner Ms. Pac-Man. But with the 30th anniversary of his debut fast approaching, he contemplates making the most of the occasion with a coming-out campaign. From his People Magazine cover declaring "I'm gay" to his groundbreaking video-game sequel Pac-Men, the trailblazer discovers peace at last in the identity -- and the acceptance -- he always knew he would find. Philip Seymour Hoffman stars.

· Avi Arad Developing Pac-Man Movie? [/film]