Disney Promises There Will Be No Escaping Prince of Persia

A little-known law of studio physics dictates that money earmarked for a Jerry Bruckheimer film cannot be created nor destroyed, only transformed from one state to another. Look no further than Disney for the latest proof of this empiricism, in which the production budget of Bruckheimer's latest Pirates of the Caribbean film will endure a cut while the marketing budget of Prince of Persia -- opening May 28 -- will result in a campaign that will haunt your effing dreams.

A report this morning in the LAT notes that Bruckheimer was particularly impressed by the saturation effort Warner Bros. mounted for Sherlock Holmes and wanted something similar for Persia. Stopping short of superimposing Robert Downey Jr.'s face over Jake Gyllenhaal's own sneering, pseudo-swarthy visage, it appears Disney is prepared to give it to him: Studio chief Rich Ross has vowed to leave no multiplex wall, floor, ceiling, staircase, elevator door, ticket kiosk or any other surface unadorned by Prince of Persia materials. After all, Ross actually told the paper, "We're not doing a Merchant Ivory movie. We're doing a Jerry Bruckheimer movie."

Low blow, seeing as James Ivory's been at a bit of a disadvantage since Ismail Merchant passed away five years ago. He's only one man! Still, point taken: You will be peeing in red-and-gold branded toilets, people; with each automatic flush, expect the booming score and a few muscular Jake Gyllenhaal soundbites to ricochet off the Persia-canvassed stall walls. Gemma Arterton-printed paper towels will be drying your hands. You will have sand in your underwear for a week. Eat your combination-locked heart out, J.J. Abrams.

· Disney geeks out, plots "theater domination" for Prince of Persia [LAT]