23 Questions About Lost Episode 612, 'Everybody Loves Hugo,' Answered!

So, Mr. Eats His Feelings Out Of Greasy Bucket of Fried Chicken, why so sad? We're asking for the aforementioned strange Scottish guy who keeps showing up to make people realize they're just trapped in the Sideways Matrix.

Because he met a girl, and she's crazy. But not regular crazy, she's crazy-crazy, like "lives in a loony bin where they only let her out to go hit on overweight, secretly rich guys at chain restaurants where they confuse 'Spanish' and 'Mexican' cuisines" crazy. But she seems to know him, and he can't shake the feeling that she's right, even though it's obvious that she's nuts. She's nuts, right?

How is he going to know if she's nuts or not if he doesn't follow his gut and really talk this thing through with herm, preferably at the loony bin?

That's a great point, weirdo Scottish guy who's weirdly invested in a stranger's romantic life!

What's the best possible argument to make about why an evil smoke monster obsessed with escaping his island prison should untie the person his greatest enemy transported across the world by submarine in an attempt to foil his nefarious plan?

"I have nowhere to run to." Really, there's no comeback for that.

Now that the island has messily disposed of Ilana after she fulfilled her expositional purpose and is no longer of any use to it, what's going to happen to Ben when his usefulness has expired?

A lady was just turned inside out and splattered all over her new friends, and all Ben can think about is what his own innards will look like dripping from some tree branches. Typical. (That being said, the island will probably break both his legs and then send an entire pack of hungry polar bears to feast upon the helpless schemer, whose desperate offer to help his ursine tormentors return to their icy ho
meland will fall on uncomprehending ears).

Remember when Richard was this smokey-eyed Man of Mystery who seemed to have all the answers, instead of a panicked, existentially adrift wuss who's always screaming about get me some explosives this and why the hell did you blow up my boat with all the dynamite inside it? that?

We miss that guy. We really do. But he's been through a lot lately, so we'll cut him some slack until he gets his sh*t together and reminds us of that macho, confident leader we all know and love. (Until he gets blown up trying to make a bomb out of some chemicals he finds in an conveniently abandoned Dharma lab.)

If Libby is a voluntary patient at the loony bin, why is Dr. C*ckblocker being such a pain in the ass about letting Hurley visit her?

Because he knows he can trick the kind-hearted lug into buying $100k worth of new ping-pong paddles, Candyland games, and finger-paints.

Who's that mysterious boy Smokey and Desmond come across in the jungle?

What boy? We don't see a boy. Oh. That boy! Just ignore the boy and he'll run away! See? He ran away, just like a boy who's definitely not the reincarnation of Jacob will when you ignore him.

How deep is the well that Smokey pushes Desmond into?

At first, it seems very deep, deep enough that if you toss a lit torch into it, or a electromagnetism-resistant troublemaker who's too eerily calm for comfort, you can't see either of those things hit bottom. But if you stick around for the "scenes from next week" segment, you can see that the well's not very deep at all, and the Desmond is just kind of hanging out in the bottom, chatting with Smokey.

If a smoke monster promises you that if your friends come out of the jungle, he won't immediately order his army of darkness to massacre all of you or turn himself into a billowing pillar of smoggy death, would you take him at his word?

Sure, why not. Things have been working out OK for Hurley thus far. Everybody loves Hugo, remember?

In the flash sideways, why does Desmond run over Locke?

He's either a) he's jumping around in space/time and still really pissed off about being tossed into that shallow well (in the dark, it looked really scary and deep!) b) he's just trying to reunite Locke with his long-lost love of being violently thrown from his wheelchair, or c) he knows something we don't yet about smoke monsters, host bodies, and the looming triumph of unspeakable evil if BMWs don't run over crippled teachers in school parking lots RIGHT NOW.

The Whispers: Satisfying resolution to a long-running island mystery, or "Whatever, hasn't everyone been saying for years now that it's just a bunch of frustrated ghosts with unfinished business yammering about being trapped in their island purgatory?"

Somehow, a little of both.

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