Welcome Mad Cow: Your Latest 'Selection' of the 2010 Cannes Film Festival

We're exactly a month away from opening night of the Cannes Film Festival, and aside from that evening's screening of Robin Hood, speculation and conjecture regarding the fest's competition selections remain heading into this week. So when Movieline's "Cannes" alarm filled the office this morning with its customary accordion jig, I raced to see what putative masterpiece of world cinema had triggered it. My only reaction was two words -- and they weren't "false alarm."

I'm talking Mad Cow, folks. Not to be confused with the 2008 American horror-comedy of the same name, this Mad Cow comes straight outta South Africa this morning with the news that it will have its world premiere May 17 at the Cannes Film Festival. Its Web site even features good old-fashioned festival laurels, as though screening in the Cannes Film Market or any of the other events orbiting the Croisette count as, you know, "Cannes."

But you know what? I don't even care at this point, because frankly I want to just want to see Tanya Van Graan ("voted FHM's sexiest woman 2007," a new press release blares) do battle with the title villain:

The film sets out to spoof the zombie/horror movie genre in a new and totally insane way, following the story of a Frankenstein-like experiment that goes horribly wrong, with hilarious results. Wielding a chainsaw, Mad Cow goes on the rampage around a South African Game Lodge, leaving a trail of destruction and bad special effects in his wake.

Enter undercover cop Vince Chopper, who together with vegetarian-waitress-turned-weapons expert, Charlize, does battle with Mad Cow in a series of off-the-wall action-packed sequences. Prepare yourself for the unlikely twists and turns along the way, as it's never over when you think it's over....

Watch out, Birdemic! The trailer's not embeddable as of yet (you can view it in all its awful, awful "glory" at Mad Cow site), but the still below should quench at least 80 percent of your demand in the lead up to Cannes. The accompanying IMDB trivia noting how "Michael Wright wrote the first draft of the screenplay in a barn, so as to reflect the point of view of a cow more accurately" is a winner as well. You are welcome.