A-Team vs. Expendables: Which Mercenary Movie Will Reign Supreme?
· Explosion Quotient
The A-Team was far and away the explosion leader before the Expendables trailer even arrived on the scene. But now it's got a challenger, with six fiery booms to The Expendables' five. Extra points for The Expendables' seemingly arbitrary placement of explosions in its trailer, which beats The A-Team's more absurdly story-driven set-piece conflagrations. Screw nuance.
The Expendables: 8
The A-Team: 9
· Cast Quotient
Again, for sheer nostalgic, multi-generational, inspired tough-guy casting, you've got to give it up to Stallone for packing in more bruisers per square inch than any film ever attempted. Ambitious! NB: "Rampage" Jackson? Really? He looks like he's going to a freaking Halloween party.
The Expendables: 9
The A-Team: 6
· Filmmaking Quotient
Stallone has more than two decades of action films on A-Team director Joe Carnahan, and the Expendables trailer along demonstrates his alacrity with kinetics on the ground, in the air or wherever else bone-crushing mercenary violence is served. Carnahan's got the far keener eye for character -- the gleam in Liam Neeson's eye, the gravity of the guys getting sent up the river -- that I have no doubt will technically surpass some of the "what just happened" sequences teased here. Never underestimate the veteran, though.
The Expendables: 7
The A-Team: 7
· Eyerolling Quotient
Well, they both break even on their hideous nu-metal montages, and when one of Stallone's counterparts notes that their small, ragtag team has no chance against a ruthless army, don't expect the appropriate answer of, "God, you're right. I'm staying home. Want a beer?" But these actors have spent years immunizing audiences against their textbook absurdity -- you expect it, embrace it, even crave it. The A-Team was playing catch-up from the moment it tried to make Liam Neeson look like George Peppard. And how about that bit featuring Cooper shooting a gun from a tank plunging through the greenscreeniest sky in the history of movies? My seventh-grade yearbook photo background looked better. Please tell me they're fixing that.
The Expendables: -5
The A-Team: -7
TOTALS:
The Expendables: 54
The A-Team: 43
Congratulations to The Expendables! When Jason Statham says you're not going to believe what will happen in the next 10 seconds, it's a metaphor: "You're not going to believe it's not 1988." Believe him.
And the trailers, for reference:
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Comments
Wow, that was the Dr. Jack Ramsay of trailer comparisons. Well done.
The CGI-ness of A-Team's action clips does scare me. Nothing exposes the absurdity of action like the faux physics of green screen. Reminds me of the Skydiving Schwarzenegger vs. Jet Plane sequence from Eraser. Take from that what you will.
You've got it all wrong - Jason Statham isn't kissing Giselle Itie...he is kissing Charisma Carpenter who plays his girlfriend in the movie...sheesh...
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that kiss scene sure does seem like he is into it. although i am still confused by many of the plots.
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