Dancing with the Stars: Who Fared Better, the Retired Astronaut or Current Pussycat Doll?

Ten seasons in, Dancing with the Stars is still event television because producers have the nerve to pit, say, Cloris Leachman against Brooke Burke. Or Steve Wozniak against Lil Kim. We're watching foregone conclusions manifest themselves with the help of the judges' goading critiques, and for some reason, that's titillating. Last night's premiere showcased another infeasible range of talents, from Pam Anderson to Kate Gosselin to Chad Ochocinco, but the top and bottom scorers exhibited the most disparate set of skills to date.

Nicole Scherzinger, who is still a Pussycat Doll after plenty of the others have moved on to enjoy their grandkids, topped the leaderboard with her delicate Viennese Waltz, scoring a 25. Her frilly accoutrement and gentle lilt put this over the top, and judge Bruno Tonioli nearly airhumped all of Vienna.

Buzz Aldrin is no longer an astronaut, because he retired before Nicole Scherzinger was born, but he still plans on wearing the sparkly vest and pastel shirt of a man almost six years lower than his age (of 80). He ripped into a cha-cha-cha that left the judges earthbound, but left us all feeling proud of our final-frontiersman. You stick out that arm like you want to see if its cold out the window, Buzz!

The scores

Nicole Scherzinger: 25

Evan Lysacek: 23

Pamela Anderson: 21

Erin Andrews: 21

Jake Pavelka: 20

Shannen Doherty: 18

Niecy Nash: 18

Chad Ochocinco: 18

Kate Gosselin: 16

Aiden Turner: 15

Buzz Aldrin: 14