Handicapping the American Idol Top 12

Casey James

James' defining moment will come three weeks from now, following a smoldering* performance of "Sex on Fire", when a giddy Ellen DeGeneres breathlessly exclaims, "You've just Coley Laffooned me back into breeder territory, dude! I'm getting all Heche-y up in here," prompting jealous, salivating cougar Kara DioGuardi to poke out both the comedian's eyes with the straw from her Coca Cola product-placement cup.

Odds of winning: 4 to 1

Odds of tell-all book alleging improper relationship with Kara: 3 to 1

[*pun dismayingly intentional]

[*also has two first names]

Katie Stevens

Adorable! But, to repeat the judges' pet criticism this season, she's Not Ready. (OMG she's totalllly ready!1!!!!111! Yaaaaayyyyy!) No! Stop that, inner tween! She's not. Ready.

Odds of winning: 20 to 1

Lee Dewyze

Jason Mraz without all that troubling edge. Second-best singer in his college dorm, after that guy who nails "Fire and Rain" every Friday night in the third-floor lounge. Likely Idol finalist.

Odds of winning: 3 to 1

Lacey Brown

It's hard not to sympathize with her tragic story: Having wandered backstage before a taping of the The Sharon Osbourne Show, the host took Brown hostage, releasing her only after remaking the talented, aspiring singer in her exact image, weeping the entire time about her disappointment with her own troubled offspring. Perhaps an outpouring of America's love can break the spell? No, even that's not likely to be enough. Heartbreaking.

Odds of winning: 18 to 1

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