Project Runway Recap: Kindergarten Fop

Heidi, Michael, and Nina, the original cast of The New Mickey Mouse Club, all make it for the judging. They're joined by some woman without a Jive record deal named Tory Birch.

Janeane whipped up very related dresses -- the model's featured a melon-colored bolero and zebra-print blouse while the juniors look featured a melon tank and zebra-print leggings. You can buy both of these pieces at a mall. She should've dotted the bolero in Sbarro's pizza sauce to make it witty, or fashioned scarves out of Auntie Anne's pretzels. Just something.

Jay's two looks featured plum ripples and an austere use of black. Both are cute and passable, like Jay himself.

Jesse paired red and gray for a private school-looking ensemble combo. The strange lines and hem discolored his ingenuity for me, even more so than the abundance of a hue I can only describe as "graphite."

Seth Aaron produced two incredible looks: One features a Mila-reminiscent, black-and-white, crosshatched zip-up tailored to perfection, with puffy shoulders to offset the rigid fit. The child's look is a frillier black-and-white affair with pink watermelon-looking pocket detailing. Score another for the sewing Lou Reed.

Jonathan's outfits didn't match -- the child's was a lemon-colored Sunday dress, and the model's was one of those flaky white Bai Ling contraptions. They're decent. But "decent" is anathema to the Bai Ling Code of Conduct, and I expect her to call in with a ruling any minute.

Amy blew it, and she did it in vomit colors too. We were treated to two teal-and-orange looks, the child's ensemble featuring a cute teal sweater and the model's featuring an obnoxiously bold skirt (pant?) print. The color choices reminded me of an early episode of Trading Spaces, back when you might've come home to a sherbet colored fireplace with teal pottery on the mantel because it's "a little fun and kooky." Paige Davis, you did this to us.

Seth Aaron wins the challenge, his first of the season. He enacts a little fist-pump medley, more in the range of Kevin McAllister (Home Alone) than DJ Pauly D. And that's appropriate! Heidi stares down Amy and Janeane and tells them they offended the Taste Buddhas very much. Patting her own pregnant stomach, Heidi peers into Janeane and compels her to give birth to her own satanic elimination, and out of the womb it's wearing a horrible bolero. Well, we all know what this means: I interview Janeane next, and we'll talk all about crying on national TV, Bryant Park, and the judge who leaves her cold to this day. We'll all cry, in fact.

Pages: 1 2