Novelist Jackie Collins on Scandals, Secrets, Raunchy Morals and Angry Penises

The late, great filmmaker Louis Malle reportedly once described you as a "raunchy moralist."

I love that description.

What does that mean to you?

It means I write extremely raunchy books, but they have a strong moral theme. If you're married, you should be faithful. My bad guys don't get away with anything; my good guys always come out on top. That doesn't always happen in life. So I think if you can create a character like that in fiction, it's kind of fun. When I write someone like Denver, she's going to be successful because she's a good person -- and I like that. And Frankie Romano, who's a total coke addict, probably won't have such a great run. Bobby Santangelo Stanislopoulos -- Lucky's son -- is my favorite character.

Why?

I don't know, there's just something about him. I don't know what he's going to do when I write him, but there's something I like. He has a great moral compass -- even though Zeena, the superstar, stalks him in the shower. Which, you know, can happen to anyone, right?

Of course! Now, you describe Sharif Rani's son as having a "small, angry" penis. Please help me understand: What makes a penis "angry"?

I don't know. That's a very interesting question. But you can tell immediately: They have kind of a shriveled look, and red. Very red. You can spot an angry penis a mile away, can't you?

I... guess?

You can! It's a description that I like.

Lucky Santangelo makes several appearances in this book. What's your relationship with that character after all these years? What does she mean to you?

She's my alter ego. She's the woman I would like to be in another life. I think she's fabulous, because she's so strong; she says all the things that women would like to say, but don't quite have the courage to do so. And she does all the thing that women would like to do. Lucky lives her life as a very strong man, you know? Men can get away with all kinds of stuff; a man is a stud, whereas a woman is a slut. A man is a mastermind at business, whereas a woman is a bitch. But Lucky is everything: She's powerful, she's beautiful, she can be vulnerable, yet she can have an acid tongue. She can fall in love; she has a great relationship with [her husband] Lennie. She's going to have a great relationship with her kids -- Bobby, whom I love, and Max, the teenage daughter who is a little Lucky.

I want to make another movie about Lucky. I wrote 10 hours of prime time for NBC -- two miniseries, Lucky Chances and Lady Boss. But I want to make a theatrical film. I want to see Angeline Jolie get her teeth into Lucky.

I'd read something about that. Is there any movement on that front?

Yeah, I'm making a movie at the moment, which is a premiere direct-to-DVD [Paris Connections], which is about another character I wrote named Madison Castelli. So I'm talking with the producer about bringing a Lucky movie to the screen. I mean, she's so popular. You see how popular the Sex and the City movies have been? Well, Lucky would be equally popular. She said confidently.

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