American Idol's First Seven Contenders: Let's Declare Their Fates
Ryan Seacrest clogged our lives with 120 minutes of redundant announcements last night. Over eight seasons I've grown to love this abuse, which means I need a pamphlet from the doctor's office, and now. Seacrest started off several narrations with versions of the following tease: "There are three rooms full of contestants here... and some of them... are going... to be on American Idol... which is the show... they are on... right now." Downright Hitchcockian, the suspense here. Except Simon Fuller didn't follow through by throwing birds and cropdusters at Kara DioGuardi. That's the thriller I want, SimFu! The two-hour show saw seven contestants move on to the Top 24, and Movieline's estimation of their potential is just as moving as Ellen DeGeneres's ability to tolerate Kara's hopeless puns. Spoilers ahead!
Michael Lynche The down-home average joe wooed us with a soulful take on Jason Mraz's mall-brand reggae anthem "I'm Yours," and he didn't even need a ukulele or a Fozzie Bear hat. Seems miraculous, in theory. His rendition wasn't perfect, but neither is, you know, anything about Idol.
Fate: He could crack the Top 12, but Simon Cowell will ultimately declare him forgettable. Ellen and Kara will synchronize their "But what a nice guy" half-smiles. Randy will make a noise, though there's no telling if it will include words or even consonants.
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Comments
Yes, Didi's "Hey Jude" was great. (So great it actually makes up for Kristy Lee Cook's "Eight Days a Week") However, her rendition of Kara's trifle was moot to me because I am terrified of song lyrics that contain shooting stars, hearts and clovers, lucky charms or anything else best left on a cereal box. And her Angel... did you hear your own clip? Listen to the "away" in "fly away from here" again. It is flat and out of tune. Simon's right. The girl is inconsistent.
As for Todrick? Yeesh. I think he's a little too current. He reminds me of Chris Brown. Another guy who isn't content to be young, talented and good looking, but rather angry as hell that the good Lord didn't make him straight. No one was happy to see him reemerge triumphantly through those doors.