Glee's Madonna Episode Will Strike the Expected Pose, and Suck

Back when Glee acquired the rights to Madonna's song catalog and we posted five offbeat singles the cast could chirp, we didn't expect Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch's alpha gym teacher character) to feel the closest connection to Lourdes's maker. The new preview for the grand Madge explosion -- which will finally air in April -- proves that Sue considers herself a "lady with an attitude." It also confirms that Glee will turn even the staunchest empowerment jam into Gerber mush.

Sue's cone bra and jab about the English countryside earn a laugh, and the cheer squad's nod to Madonna's androgynous slacks of yore is a nice touch. Those stilts are creepy, and maybe even hilarious. But what's going on with that popsicle-sweet version of "Express Yourself"? In just half a stanza of lyrics, it's unbearable -- and seemingly anathema to the spirit of the original. I suppose I can expect to cringe more once the lines, "He'll be back on his knees to express himself" are uttered. Oral sex isn't a school-sanctioned extracurricular activity, Sue! Not during primetime, anyway.