9 Recent Movies That Could Be Rebooted Next
There used to be a statute of limitations on remakes, but in Hollywood, nothing's sacred. Every day brings word of another reboot, and even recent, successful movies aren't immune. You may have heard that Spider-Man, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Daredevil, Escape from New York, Vacation and Superman are all in line for a new re-do, but did you know that nine other movies from the past year are up for revision? Luckily, Movieline's pressed a glass to the office of studio executives around town to eavesdrop on the conversation, transcribed to the best of our satirical abilities. Have your second assistant get your decaf and roll your calls while you listen in.
Crazy Heart
"I mean, I'm voting for Jeff Bridges, but this screener is just sitting there on my Xbox."
"Right? Like, why do I want to watch this?"
"At least with The Wrestler, you knew Tomei would take her clothes off at some point. With this, it's like, if I wanted to watch an old, homeless-looking drunk mumble for two hours, then why the hell do I even live in Brentwood?"
"I think we should go younger."
"That's a given."
"Do we think Taylor Swift could play alcoholic?"
"I like that. Gender switch."
"Who would play Maggie's character, the rock journalist?"
"Nick Jonas. High school paper."
"Done."
Hotel for Dogs
"We need to go darker on this one."
"Grittier."
"It's not just a hotel for dogs..."
"...it's rehab. It's Rehab for Dogs."
"And the dogs all have rabies."
"They have to keep shooting dogs. It's like Old Yeller times a thousand."
Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief
"Who is the lead kid on this?"
"Logan Lerman."
"Oh, you mean the kid who fucked himself out of Spider-Man?"
"I don't understand why Taylor Lautner isn't Percy."
"Yes. That."
"He looks like he could be Greek. That's a thing in the movie, right? I haven't read the coverage."
"I don't think he has to be Greek, but he could totally play Greek."
"Let's make him Mexican for the Spanish-language dub."
"Percy Juanson?"
"I don't think that's an actual name."
Subscribe to the new Movieline on YouTube
Comments
I, for one, look forward to Taylor Lautner and his fourteen glorious glistening abs in Avatars: 4D.
Eventually it's going to get to the point that studios are going to be rebooting a franchise while the film is still being shot... which will be a good thing, we won't have to sit through endless reiterations of this regurgitated crap.
I think the sequel should be Vampire Terminators vs Werewolf Transformers.
In 4-D!
What about The Hurt Locker? Bruckheimer's already developing a crossover flick with Pirates of the Caribbean, and I think there's got to be a little more juice in the concept.