5 Backhanded Tom Cruise Headlines Us Rejected Before Settling On This One
Us Magazine really, really wants you to know that Tom Cruise is 47. (And that he'll be 48 next year! I mean, who can even stand to see a 48-year-old on a movie screen, am I right? He's certainly no Kim Kardashian.) In fact, Us's new post on Cruise's deal for Mission: Impossible 4 is so absurdly stocked with age non sequiturs that we're left fumbling for a motive. Does this have something to do with the Us editor who just sold an action drama with a very A-list friendly lead? Regardless, here are five headlines Us surely rejected before picking the eventual winner:
"Tom Cruise Signs Mission: Impossible Deal, Is Definitely Unavailable for Us Editor's Movie, Not Like We Wanted Him Anyway, Because We Didn't"
"Tom Cruise is No Sam Worthington, Christian Bale, or Russell Crowe"
(subhed: "Why not being either of those 3 actors is a disadvantage for the nearly-50 star")
"Will Mission: Impossible 4 Feature Lipstick-Wearing Suri, Fathered By Notable Old Person Tom Cruise?"
"Denture-Wearing Scientologist Tom Cruise Makes Deathbed Wish to Star in Mission: Impossible Sequel"
"Khloe Kardashian Tweets Intent to Skip Mission: Impossible 4"
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Comments
I love Tom Cruise! So what if he is 47? He is beautiful, funny and soo adorable! Too bad he's so short!
Why would anyone want to see Mission Impossible 4, with or without Cruise?
"Tom Cruise Finds Yet Another Marketing Opportunity to Publicly Deny Homosexual Rumors"
"Tom Cruise, 4'7", is 47"
"Tom Cruise to appear in horrifying Reservatrol as just below this story!"
Tom Cruise, 5'2", to Star in Mission Impossible 4
"Diminutive, soon-to-be quintegenarian Tom Cruise poised to star in Mission Impossible 4: The Metamucil Directive"
Tom Cruise, proud Scientologist and closeted homosexual, to star in Mission Impossible 4, The David Beckham Story.