TILDA! The Exclusive Casting Breakdowns for HBO's New Hollywood Blogger Comedy

News that Bill Condon has teamed with Tell Me You Love me creator Cindy Mort to write Tilda, a half-hour comedy pilot for HBO about "a powerful female online showbiz journalist with a no-holds-barred style," has been the only thing on Hollywood's minds and lips since it hit the wires last night. Would Condon and Mort finally crack the elusive code that could translate the scintillating world of people typing in their bathrobes into television worth watching? And after whom did they pattern their outrageously conceived title character? It's just questions on top of questions on top of more questions! Well, I'm happy to report your friends at Movieline have some answers, as we have procured a copy of the casting breakdowns* for the next blockbuster HBO series that will have everyone saying, "It's Not TV. It's Tilda."

(*Yes, it's rare that casting breakdowns are circulated for a show that has yet to be written, much less greenlit. Isn't that weird? It's almost like we made them up.)

TILDA SPAHR, Female, 50+, General Manager, Editor in Chief, and Founder of HollywoodSource.com. Cocooned in a Brentwood apartment complex, she spends most of her days parked at a cramped workstation littered in empty boxes of Trader Joe's Candy Cane Joe-Joe's, her stress food of choice. Great at her job, but unlucky at other aspects of her life, including love, family, recycling, etc. Has a cat she loves named Asshole...LEAD

RON ISHMAEL, Male, early 50s, fit, ballbusting head of the most powerful agency in Hollywood. Regularly feeds axe-grinding tips to Tilda which she runs verbatim...VERY STRONG RECURRING

JEFF ZUCKER, Male, 50s, squat, roundly-loathed, high-powered TV exec whose disastrous futzing with the NBC schedule has made him an industry laughing stock and prime target for Tilda's merciless takedowns. Wants Tilda dead. Not fired: Dead. (Strong possibility the actual Jeff Zucker will agree to play himself)... GUEST STAR

THONG, Male, teens-early 20s, Thai-food bicycle delivery boy with whom she develops a tough-loving maternal bond. Gets shot late in the season, possibly by a rival blogger...STRONG RECURRING

JOSH ROLAND, Male, late 40s, married, main editor of The Popcorn Blog and Tilda's sworn nemesis. Regularly publishes lengthy diatribes about Tilda's complete lack of ethics. Prime suspect in Thong's shooting. An unabashed foodie and fan of musical theater, aspires to host his own Mexican cuisine Food Network show called A Churros Line...GUEST STAR

FREIDA SPAHR, Female, 50s, Tilda's unmarried sister. Works in the records department of the Department of Veterans Affairs. Frequently storms into Tilda's place and throws open the windows, saying, "Would it kill you to air this place out once in a while? It smells like a cat food factory in here!"...GUEST STAR

JACK MCTHOMPSON, Male, 20s, Freida's neighbor, an aspiring actor: tall, built, and sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy. Regularly seen working shirtless on his Ducati in the parking lot. Later, Jeff promises him a recurring role on a Thursday-night sitcom in exchange for seducing Tilda. POSSIBLE RECUR. Must be comfortable with nudity.

DORA CASHMAN, Female, 40s, the only blogger in Hollywood who hates Tilda more than Josh. Former freelance entertainment reporter turned editor-in-chief of The Century City Tattler, prides herself on getting to scoops before Tilda and will do whatever it takes to get them. Making payouts to Josh to keep him from spilling her past-life as Amethyst, a high-class callgirl who serviced the Armani-clad power-agents of the '80s. Currently paralyzed and in a wheelchair after she was thrown off the roof of the Beverly Hilton by goons she suspects were sent by CAA....RECURRING

INDRAJIT, Male, 30s, for years, the person tech-unsavvy Tilda relies upon to keeps things running smoothly in her one-woman publishing company. Their relationship exists entirely over the phone, as Indrajit lives in Mumbai. What Tilda doesn't realize, however, is that Indrajit has developed feelings for her during their countless troubleshooting walk-throughs. He lands on her doorstep later in the season to declare his love for her. She calls the police and has him arrested...RECURRING