Project Runway Recap: Red, Red Why

Project Runway took a near-philanthropic turn this week, staging a challenge that honored women affected by heart disease, and a runway show that shamed them to the nation. Shiny red dresses? Tacky Campbell's Soup iconography? The honorary models looked like reject Ace-flippers from Card Sharks, and I'm talking about the seizure-appropriate Bob Eubanks edition. Also, amid all the heart disease awareness, someone forgot to tell Bunim-Murray that this episode had an acute case of This Is Goddamn Boring. Time to tear it up!

No one has much to say at the top of the episode, save Jesus, who is positive that "dreams come true" now that he's survived three episodes. "Dreams come true" is Latin for "Cute people get what they want," but shh. Maya remarks that she's becoming fast friends with Mila, who is "like an older version" of herself. She didn't bring up Seth Aaron, weirdly, who is like an older version of almost anything I can think of. (Note: Seth Aaron brings this kind of criticism upon himself. You can't dress like a member of Panic at the Disco when you have actually panicked at discos for most of your life.)

On the runway, Heidi doesn't bother greeting the designers properly. "OK," she mutters. "Your regular models are in school today. Tim has a bunch of women in back with shapely faces and the wrong complexion. You talk to them." The designers oblige, and Mr. Gunn explains the challenge with his usual headmasterly gusto.

"Designers!" he coos. "Today you're working with a group of women who are very inspirational. This means they're a little overweight, sure. But they've also survived various heart diseases, and for that reason we want you to make them red dresses with Campbell's Soup logos on them. It's all a part of a Campbell's charity runway show! And a huge red eyesore, inevitably."

Tim wheels out the models, who range in age and size, and each one has a cool story about surviving heart disease. Mila derives muse immediately and vows to use the Campbell's star logo as a large, garish graphic. This will turn her model into an American Gladiators/WCW star whose nickname is "The Aorta." Because I'm a little bored, that's fine. Anna claims that she studied printmaking at some point, which gives her license to trace the Campbell's logo onto red chiffon, and Sethuselah Aaron says the following line: "I'm used to working with Size 4. This is the largest challenge I've ever faced." Slow clap for the night's first awkward confessional posed as professional commentary.

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