50 Items Discovered Inside the Home of Secret Celebrity Hoarder Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan's shocking admission that she counts herself among the ranks of the unwashed hoarding underclass -- those crap-amassing social lepers trotted out weekly for our rubbernecking enjoyment on a certain popular basic cable series -- was nothing short of earth-shattering. What forgotten-pet pancakes and dismissed-intern skeletons might be interred in the overstuffed closets of America's favorite shock-starlet, after a decade swerving in and out of the freebie-friendly Hollywood fast lane? It just so happens your friends at Movieline have a man on the inside of the City of Los Angeles Department of Sanitation, who slipped us this very partial inventory of items recovered in the ongoing, court-ordered cleanup of the premises.

1. 2500 Joe Cool fanny packs purchased with 1,250,000 accumulated Camel points

2. variety pack of dental dams

3. her stand-in from The Parent Trap

4. 4000 Nobu menus, snatched up in a manic shopping fit during the chain's '03 renovation

5. every carving knife in the Williams Sonoma catalogue

6. 300 copies of the first three seasons of Supernatural on DVD, unopened

7. 39,320 pill bottles

8. The What's Happening to My Body Book for Girls

9. True Religion Spring '07 denim thong collection

10. those cat clocks with the moving eyes and tails in 42 different colors

11. Corbin Bernsen's home phone number written on a matchbook from Il Sole

12. a Denver Yellow Pages

13. homunculus perfectly preserved in bell jar

14. invitation to the Ciccone-Ritchie 2004 Purim Fashion Show and Kabbalah fundraiser

15. 25,000 Samantha Ronson mix CDs

16. 214 Beanie Babies (nocturnal animals only)

17. 4000 bags of Baked Lays

18. birthday card from Robert Altman made out "to my favorite little shmendrik..."

19. two Golden Raspberry awards

19. her childhood

20. a Marilyn Monroe Halloween costume

21. half-written dissertation on the "Lost Looming Skills of the Mothers of Pompeii"

22. 400 unopened cases of Sevin Nyne tanning spray

23. 3 lbs. of unopened mail from Mark David Chapman

24. a Lucy Lawless poster

25. Born Free original soundtrack, vinyl

26. a dessicated Shetland pony

27. Herbie

28. a marionette likeness of her mother

29. two gifting suite hostesses, bound, gagged, and malnourished

30. a Denali engine

31. a photograph of her leaping through a sprinkler returned from the White House as "undeliverable"

32. Sammy Davis Jr.'s glass eye collection

33. 800 lbs. pompoms and leggings

34. LASIK surgery equipment

35. a vodka-powered time machine

36. box of Rock the Vote T-shirts

37. redlined script for remake of Lady Sings the Blues

38. a Gutenberg Bible

39. Roy Disney's cryogenically preserved head

40. a working tricorder

41. a Pole State correspondence degree in Advanced Striperology

42. copper album commemorating 4000 copies of Speak sold

43. 700 trilbys

44. a note to Kristen Stewart reminding her to "play the intention."

45. 100 lbs. of elephant tusks

46. 12 Polaroids of her with Pope Benedict XVI at the Rome Miu Miu

47. 2 cases Funfetti cake mix

48. 48 His and Hers' Sean Combs ultra-plush bathrobes, available only through HSN

49. the ninth Gosselin child

50. assortment of flesh-colored bikinis