9 Highlights and Lowlights of the Four-Hour Grammy Telecast

6. Stephen Colbert won the Grammy for Best Comedy Recording. I could've gotten behind this if Colbert weren't uncharacteristically unfunny at the top of the show. Props to Kathy Griffin for not hiding her furor upon losing the award.

7. Andrea Bocelli and Mary J. Blige teamed up for a trill-y version of "Bridge Over Troubled Water" in tribute to Haiti. I'm not positive how the lyric "Sail on, Silver Girl," applies to Haiti, but the pain-eyed showmanship of both performers might make you believe the song isn't a nonsense choice. At any rate, Mary J. performed serviceably, but was completely outclassed by her colleague.

8. Though Beyonce didn't win Album of the Year, she still picked up six trophies, a record for a female performer in one night. That defeats the title shared by Alicia Keys and -- you guessed it -- Lauryn Hill. That's a little depressing, wouldn't you say? Beyonce's a mechanically fine performer, but Lauryn Hill's The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill is a hip-hop totem. Beyonce's album, alternatively, features an alter-ego with the last name "Fierce," and even Liz Lemon knows that's D.O.A..

9. Taylor Swift became the youngest person to win Album of the Year for Fearless, dethroning 1996's breakout champion Alanis Morissette. Coincidentally, Beyonce included a snippet of Morissette's classic "You Oughta Know" in her performance of the abysmal "If I Were a Boy." But if you want to experience real Grammy magic, treat yourself to Morissette's stripped-down rendition of the hit from the '96 Grammys and allow her to jab your Dave Coulier-sized machismo.

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  • sweetbiscuit says:

    That's Morissette’s stripped-down AND UNCENSORED rendition of "You Oughta Know." Is this really the clip of what was broadcast that year? CBS couldn't stop blanking lyrics last night, which I guess I understand with Eminem, but why would Beyonce do a snippet of this song if she was going to censor herself? She just omitted the key phrase altogether. Baffling.

  • Louis Virtel says:

    Oh, it was certainly censored then. They cut off the line after "And are you thinking of me when you --." Thank you for pointing out the hidden jewel in this clip!

  • TimGunn says:

    The Beyonce version of You Ooughta Know was also part of her tour this summer.

  • sweetbiscuit says:

    I thought Pink's performance was great because she really sounded wonderful -- strong and on key and not strained, even though she was essentially naked and spinning sideways and wet. Taylor Swift on the other hand, was fully clothed, upright, dry, and still couldn't stay on pitch.

  • QueenBecky says:

    I like Beyonce, but she could not sing Alanis Morisette. It was like an American Idol contestant trying to sing Whitney Houston. They just don't cut it.

  • Rafaela says:

    I hear ya, and totally agree. Beyonce couldn't reach Alanis vocals in this lifetime.
    And sorry, but Taylor Who? Geez... talk about awards not having any taste anymore (Golden Globes, SAGs, Grammys...)

  • Annie says:

    Mary J Blige performed with Andrea Bocelli NOT Placido Domingo LMAO

  • Louis Virtel says:

    Woah, thank you for that note! Just comes to show how eager I was to use the phrase "Pla-Mingo."

  • Dimo says:

    Favorite moment: During the MJ tribute, the camera cuts to Will i am and his retardedly placed 3D glasses. This coming from the man that was a freaking hologram on election night!

  • NoWireHangers says:

    Your Eve Harrington analogy was SPOT ON. Bravo.
    Taylor Swift needs a swift slap. You were surprised? Really? After taking home about 40% of all the awards offered this season? Really? Where's Kanye West when you need him?

  • no. im 14 and i can do more weight in all of those and im not even trying to a body builder.