Project Runway Recap: Trashed Potato

Nameless models start selecting designers, and cutie Jay turns a cartwheel in the manure when he's picked. Tim winces and shivers even though "dirty cartwheels" is a tag in his Manhunt profile. Hypocrite! He winks at us. Mila is the last chosen contestant, and if she had any discernible identity, that might've plucked a few heartstrings on this side of the screen. No such luck. In fact, we are all stronger.

In the workroom, Mila scoffs at how her model from last challenge decided to pick southern-bred Anthony instead. "It's her loss!" she proclaims, sharpening her bangs with her stare. Except what Mila doesn't know is that Anthony is one of the greatest contestants of all time -- if only for the following confessional: "Being courteous sometimes is not an option for some people. Mila can kiss me and my entire family's asses." Our mighty magnolia blooms anew!

Then Tim breaks into the workroom and needs to look at everything.

"Pamela! Hello! I can't believe you're making this thing a one-piece. You idiot. Your ombred textures are admirable, but let's think of the time we have left. Ask your friend God about it, if he's not busy with real problems. Mila! Your look is silvery and doesn't look like a potato sack. Impressive! Don't get me wrong, it sucks right now, so keep working. Jay, you have so much work to do that I can't even look you in the eye. Andele. And Jesus. Oh, sweet Jesus. You didn't even use the burlap. Look, I know you're nine years old, and where you come from, you can put on a bow tie and win $500 from elderly homosexuals on the street in Huntington Beach. But here you need to actually follow the challenge, not skirt the challenge. That's a joke, Jesus. And not just because I know you have a skirt on underneath your outfit."

Then Tim approaches Ping's garment, which is so short and potato-sack-looking that her removal from the competition seems imminent. You can tell that Ping realized she was lost in the calculator noises of her mind. She knows her dress is garbage. Good people like me are concerned.

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