The Super-Secret Conan O'Brien Exit Deal Points, Revealed!
· Leaving absolutely nothing to chance, Conan's lawyers demanded contractual certainty that he keeps full custody of the two children birthed during his tenure at the network, giving the O'Brien family the peace of mind that NBC's representatives cannot claim them on behalf of Jay Leno, should he no longer find the care of his fleet of cars an emotionally fulfilling endeavor and ask the network "to see what they can do about getting me some of those cute red-headed kids." (As demonstrated on his "final" Tonight Show gathering of all the families started during his first stint as host, Leno retains a custodial option on any child conceived to staffers over that 17-year period, a fact that made this preemptive deal point a necessity.)
· The contractual breakout of O'Brien's reported $32 million severance is as follows:
--$10 million for "negotiated breach of contract" for first offering Jay Leno the 11:35pm time slot, and then The Tonight Show itself
--$10 million for the "unintentional infliction of emotional distress" related to his surrender of Tonight Show hosting duties
--$10 million for "non-malicious, yet necessary, stomping on Mr. O'Brien's dreams"
--$2 million, paid by NBC on behalf of Leno, for a "torch reclamation fee."
· In addition to the separately negotiated severance payments made by NBC, each member of O'Brien's staff will receive a hand-written apology from Leno reading, "Sorry I took your job. Nothing personal! Your pal, Jay." In addition, a $100 Subway gift card will be included with each note, "just because Jay's that kind of guy."
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The fact that you've been compelled, by so many previous instances of implicitly expressed numbskullery on the part of commenters, to actually point out that this is satire pretty much explains the appeal of Jay Leno.
Couldn't have put it better myself. Hope Conan turns up at FOX, or HBO though, they'll let him be more risky. I'll never be a regular Leno watcher again.
Conan did this deliberately to suck $$$$$$ out of NBC. He deliberately tanked the Tonight Show lost 2 (puts finger to cheek) Million Viewers and walks with 33 mil and 1 mil for max and 30c for the crew. What a maroon. What a fox.