Movieline Predicts 10 Bad Movies We'll Love in 2010
Cats And Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
So Kevin Smith supposedly has to do without his Dicks, but a Pussy Galore parody title is right at home in a kids movie? Even more egregious is that this is another animals-as-super-agents movie so soon over last year's hideous G-Force. Director Brad Peyton made the delightful Tim Burton/Heathers tribute short Evelyn: The Cutest Evil Dead Girl in 2002, but this looks about as far from that black-comic sensibility as you can get; that it's written by the team who brought us the bland Open Season, Brother Bear and Chicken Little inspires little confidence. The plot, for 7-year-old Movieline readers who care, has cats and dogs forced to work together, which, as Venkman reminds us in Ghostbusters, is one of the signs of a disaster of biblical proportions. Question: How did we manage for almost a decade without a sequel to the 2001 original?
Valentine's Day
There's possibly no better argument for splitting up with your significant other than as a means to avoiding this poisoned candy come Feb. 14. It's tempting to conclude that Valentine's Day was assembled from Barbie and Ken doll parts simply because He's Just Not That Into You made bank. Consider the evidence: prime February release, a lady cast of odd consonance (then it was Jennifer, Jennifer and Ginnifer; now it's Jessica, Jessica, Jennifer and Julia) and Bradley Cooper as man-bait (this time there's tween-bait too: OMGZ it's Taylor Lautner!). Possibly more wince-worthy than Jessica (Biel) one-upping Katherine Heigl by product-placing her orgasm with a vibrating Blackberry gag is love guru Ashton Kutcher (last time it was Justin Long) declaring, "Love is the only shocking act left on the planet." You're actually wrong there, AplusK, so long as no-one has yet liveblogged giving Dick Cheney a footjob at a Carl's Jr.
The Back-Up Plan
Take Baby Mama and Knocked Up, add some white-with-pink trailer lettering like He's Just Not That Into You, add a sexy songstress with a comeback album about to drop and a leading man whose TV sex appeal has been simmering for years now and you've got a sure-fire hit, right? Not quite. This J.Lo rom-com is released simultaneously in April with her album, Love?, and the trailer offers precisely nothing we haven't seen before, except Alex O'Loughlin trying to do double takes on the big screen. And even if you were interested, your belief in Jenny From The Block's character glowing with post-IVF joy will be fatally undermined by knowing that in a recent Elle interview she said "you don't mess with things like" in-vitro because it's not "God's will." Nice way to start the media J-Lo-verload!
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Comments
re: Valentine's Day...
At least they went realistic with this one and cast a lot of normal looking people.
Best last line: Karate Kid's "That's nasty" or The Back-Up Plan's "I shouldna seen that"?
Where to begin?
- Jessica Alba with a shaved head is better than Jessica Alba as a blonde.
- Maybe Brendan Fraiser finally realized that he's more Encino Man than Extraordinary Measures. When he's playing "serious" he looks constipated.
- If Americans love one thing, it's comical talking animals whether they're of the "wise cracking" or "sassy" variety. Lest we forget Alf was a successful television program even if Poochinski never was.
- I'd love to see a realistic portrait of an average Valentine's Day: an average to ugly couple enjoying a romantic 2 for $20 dinner at Applebee's. Gifts like a cheap stuffed gorilla that sings "Light My Fire." A heart shaped Whitman's sampler. A polyester and lace teddy in fire engine red. Any sex at all. Perhaps a fashion jewelry pendant from JCPenney.
- While I hate everything, literally everything, I WILL stand in the line of shame at The Grove to see SATC Part 2: Doggie-Style in the Desert.
You forgot THE A-TEAM! Only it will be a bad movie with little love with that SMOKIN' ASSES erm ACES director!
"Pick up your jacket" is this new Karate Kid's idea of updating the original? Will this film also have a minor character from the evil dojo screaming, "Get him a bag utilized for corpses! Yeeeeaaah!"
On the other hand, Jaden Smith, you CAN be the Ralph Macchio of the new generation. You're in a good place to achieve that goal.
Seriously on J-Alba's hair color. Even in the YouTube screengrab, I winced.
Jump The Shark = television show past its peak.
Nuke The Fridge = Movie franchise that is no longer sustainable
I posit a new cultural expression:
Sweep the Leg = any remake that is laughably horrible compared to the original
What sort of chances are Celine Dion/Celine Dion's fans taking?
They are totally murdering an 80's classic. I hope Will Smiths kid gets typecasted for being a part of this horrendous idea.
They should have left it alone after the 3rd one or at least casted a Japanese person instead of a Jackie Chan. They could have had Daniel-san teach the kid Karate or something.
1. at least the blackberry joke was kind of funny. the one in Ugly Truth was totally not.
2. i'm shocked they didn't have Taylor L in the trailer big time. isn't he the major IT boy of the bunch. I mean he's probably more McDreamy than McDreamy right now (imagine if Robbie was in this movie, good lawd)
Amen. how about a movie about working in a mall on V day or Black Friday or Christmas Eve. any of those.
i still remember working at a freaking Godiva and having to be at work at 5am (no jokes) to dip some 30 lbs of fresh extra large strawberries, plus wrap them (two in a box how cute) for special orders for Valentine's Day. I was the store's expert gift maker (and expert dipper). and i didn't get a bonus or tips. or that many thank yous for that matter. even from my boss.
i like.
No Hot Tub Time Machine?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1231587/
I was talking to an expat New Yorker yesterday who said that when the rain here in Vangroover makes her suicidal she tells herself she has to live long enough to see Hot Tub Time Machine and she perks right up again.
Dang, yes - the trailer looks baaaaad. John Cusack goes back to the 1980s and encounters himself in Better Off Dead and warns his younger self: "Don't do Martian Child. Or Hot Tub Time Machine." But hey, maybe it'll be okay. Here's hoping -- otherwise the expat New Yorker might need to be put on suicide watch.
This post made me laugh, simply because I live in Australia and right up until recently, didn't own a auto either. My housemates have been all in the same boat, but we had been all too proud to buy a trolley simply because in our suburban area its considered humorous. But in the inner-city Melbourne suburbs they're all the rage! Anyway, as somene that has been within your situation, I sympathise!
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