Scoring Letterman's Tiger Woods Monologue

Applause. Rimshot. Congratulations on finding someone whose serial f*ck-ups have reached such absurd heights that we can pretty much forget how weird and unsettling your own situation was! Self-effacement points: 8 out of 10

But just as Letterman seemed to be chambering another charmingly self-directed bullet by beginning, "I have never seen such a media firestorm. It's huge, it's like a wildfire gone crazy, there's nothing this big since--" he feinted, "my gay kiss with Adam Lambert," depriving us of the "that guy hiding in the back seat of my car pitched me a screenplay about my sex life!" punchline his lawyers would probably never allow. Self-effacement points: 3 out of 10, unless he was trying to admit to once getting fresh with a male employee.

Next up, a standard-issue gag about President Obama diverting troops from Afghanistan to Tiger's house paid off with another perfectly timed shot at himself: "I wish he would stop calling me for advice." The kind of well-played barb he's had plenty of practice honing to a self-lacerating edge since the masterful, all-wow-I-screwed-up monologue he delivered shortly after his scandal broke. Self-effacement points: 8 out of 10

Pages: 1 2 3