10 Disaster Films Even More Crapocalyptic Than 2012

3. The Bed Sitting Room (1969)

There's much to fear after the apocalypse -- giant cockroaches, marauding punks, road cannibals and the prospect that, with the still-appealing-to-ladies John Cusack among the first-generation survivors, future men would all look a little like Lloyd Dobler. But The Bed Sitting Room proposes an even more frightening proposition, that those who survive the three-minute WWIII will mutate into wardrobes, household spaces and even parrots. This Richard Lester-directed Brit entry was dreamed up by John Antrobus and Spike Milligan and boasts a strong pedigree of survivors in a cast that includes Milligan, Ralph Richardson, Harry Secombe, Dudley Moore and Peter Cook.

2. The Core (2003)

While based on a novel called Core by respected sci-fi author Paul Preuss, you can just bet the studio pitch meeting was lava-boiled down to: "Armageddon -- in reverse!" Solar disturbance - rapidly becoming the early 21st's century dark-horseman, at least in movies - has caused the Earth's core to stop rotating. Aaron Eckhart, Hillary Swank between Oscars, Bruce Greenwood, DJ Squalls and Stanley Tucci are the drill sergeants trying to kick-start the thing with a whopping atomic blast before... we're all fried by electro-magnetic radiation! They'll achieve this stirring impossibility in a ship built from pressure-resistant Unobtanium. The Core has more cliches in its trailer than you'd think possible and the movie couldn't sustain the cheese. And in terms of science, this has been repeatedly voted the worst-ever movie misrepresentation of a number of disciplines, not least screenwriting.

1. Birdemic: Shock And Terror (2008)

Not to be confused with Birdemic: Romance And Cigarettes. Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds is pretty much an apocalypse movie, and would have gone all the way if the final scene of the Golden Gate Bridge teeming with squawkers had been shot. Thank God, then, for consumer video cameras and Commodore 64-compatible freeware effects. A flock of eagles and vultures descend on a small town, apparently dropping 100-lb. bombs as they do so -- explosives that don't actually cause much reaction from drivers in background cars. Director James Nguyen has said in interview that he sees this mostly as a romantic thriller. Can't actually see that, but on a plasma screen it might keep your cat entertained for an hour and a half. Patience is required when watching a trailer that demonstrates some Malick-esque scene setting before eventually rewarding when the avian apocalypse beak-gins.

Michael Adams is the author of the upcoming comic memoir Showgirls, Teen Wolves, And Astro Zombies: A Film Critic's Year-Long Quest To Find And Watch The Worst Movie Ever Made (HarperCollins)

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Comments

  • Old No.7 says:

    You finally really did it. You maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! Goddamn you all to hell!

  • CiscoMan says:

    Aw, I liked "Knowing." And not in a so-bad-it's-good kind of way. Thought it was legitimately suspenseful and did a good job of going from "There's no way this is going to happen..." to "Wait, this is happening!"
    I will agree the New Agey finale -- for the children! -- was a bit of a letdown. And The Strangers were an obvious lift from Proyas' own "Dark City." (Does it count when you rip yourself off?) But really, seriously... you were *laughing*?

  • stolidog says:

    The aliens prancing around in the basement right next to Tom Cruise in War of the Worlds was definitely one of those moments.

  • The Winchester says:

    That Birdemic looks even better than the Mega shark that fought the giant octopus. And I'd still watch it over the transforming robots pictures.

  • Jim Beeno says:

    Wow thats amazing, what a trip dowen memory lane!
    RT
    http://www.private-web.se.tc

  • Michael Adams says:

    Sorry, Ciscoman, but yes, by the bunnies, I was mightily amused. I think Nic Cage recounting how he was doing a spot of leaf-blowing (at 4am) when he heard of his wife's demise was what first triggered the giggles. As I was in a screening with a more reverent audience, I bit my knuckles so as not to disturb my fellow filmgoers.

  • Belladonna says:

    Yea, have to say really didn't like Knowing. Good idea ruined by the stupid concept of creationism. Have to say though, laughed when I saw the pedo aliens....

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