Project Runway Recap: Rosemary's Blondie

Last night's Project Runway dared the home viewer to recall older episodes when the designers did things right. Didn't ring a bell to me either. But as each contestant sewed a companion piece to one of their earlier creations, two new competitions broke out: Irina's one-woman quest to mangle everyone's feelings, and Althea's strange, internal grudge match with paranormal forces.

We've come to the point in the competition where even the My Little Pony-haired designers transform into demonic assholes. Here is our first indication that something is off.

Althea: "I mean (snicker), if I had to pick my favorite designers (giggle, snort), I'd probably ditch the boys and go with me, Irina, Carol-Hannah and -- teehee -- Satan." [Building burns down behind her.]

Something or other possessed Althea, because she became what we in the industry call a mean girl this episode, tearing apart defenseless designers like Gordana (Come on, Althea; Gordana has fumes for parents) but with none of the Victorian entitlement of Irina. This amateur bitchery will be reprimanded in time.

Down on the runway, Heidi addresses the remaining six designers, who are seated in silence with their backs towards the runway. It's all very Symbionese Liberation.

"Don't worry, I'm not assigning Seal to kick anyone's ass," Heidi coos, remembering that Malvin's ass is still on backwards after Seal's first foray into corporal punishment. "However, the embarrassment you will suffer after you see what I have with me will also mess up your face. Turn around!"

The designers turn towards Heidi to see that she has six dress forms with her -- each one exhibiting a remaining contestant's work from a previous challenge. Mortifying, indeed.

Heidi: "Designers, these are the greatest looks you've produced this season. Telling, no? Irina and Althea have some cute shit up here. For you, Logan, we chose the dress that the janitors didn't throw out. For you, Gordana, you had one dress that didn't remind us of scary mid-'90s CNN reports. Christopher and Carol Hannah, you were only born two challenges ago, so we took what was available. Your challenge is to design a companion piece for your greatest look. Aren't you guys lucky Leanne Marshall or Christian Siriano aren't here? We'd just throw prize money at their designs as they walked the runway. Anyway. Make Tim give you a ride."

Pages: 1 2 3 4