Our Commenters of the Week Win Free Crisis PR From Tommy Davis!

Is there anyone here who's had a better week than beleaguered Scientology spokesman Tommy Davis? (Hint: Yes.) How about our five best commenters, who receive Davis's patented, Beghe-disappointing flackery as their weekly prize? Just don't ask him about the volcanoes. He hates that. So, who won?

bilo on Jessica Biel Quite Attached to F*cking: "In any case, every straight male actor in town will have requested a reading of this by lunchtime." So, like four people?

Old No.7 on Microsoft Pulls Out of MacFarlane Variety Show, Citing Suckiness: It's not Microsoft's fault - when they originally agreed to this deal they were ill with a virus.

FrancoisTrueFaux on Innocent Essay on Vegan Ideals Somehow Makes Natalie Portman a Rape Apologist: Anyone who has eaten Kogi truck spicy pork tacos clearly knows what it's like to have been raped.

el smrtmnky on An Inventory of Illicit Acts Committed By Two Drunken Ewoks on Today: Kathy Lee would have tazed that Ewok for stealing her vodka.

Tommy Davis on Paul Haggis Renounces Church of Scientology in Blistering Letter: So called screenwriter and director Paul Haggis's claims about the Church of Scientology are absolutely ridiculous. They are so offensive as to be not worth responding to. In fact, I am not responding to them, right now. The insinuation that the Church of Scientology would ever use private information to smear it's critics is offensive and vulgar. Why would we need to smear them when they are obviously child molesters? This is a man who, I have it on good authority, poos in his pants. Is that someone we should take seriously? While he is off raping grandma's the CoS is saving lives and ensuring human rights. I once caught a fish so big that Aerosmith asked me to hang out backstage with them, and the suggestion that I did not is profoundly and inescapably homosexual.

Hey, Tommy won himself as a prize! Well, he'll probably need it.