Mad Men Power Rankings, Week Eleven: 'This Name Is Poisoned'

3. Roger Sterling (even) Last week: 3

It's nice to see Roger get a little ego-boost time and again. Be reminded of his days as a grade-A cocksman so accomplished his conquests turn up decades later, craving some action, letting him know that they never loved their dead husbands quite as much as they loved his well-polished knob. Did they high-five in 1963? Because we'd totally high-five Rog for that one. Good stuff.

4. Joan Holloway (up) Last week: unranked

"You know what, Joan? You don't know what it's like to want something your whole life, and to plan for it, and to count on it, and not get it, OK? You have no idea what that's like! Your life, being married to me, a rapey jackass who can't even doctor his way out of a wet latex surgical glove, turned out exactly how you wanted it! I mean, exactly! So don't try and comfort me in my time of need, you bitch! Hey, what are you doing with that vase? I bought you that f*cking vase! See how great your life is? You have this great vase, and me, what else do you need in your perfect little life, hmm? No one's telling you you can't chase your dream of working at Bonwit Teller. Now go put that vase down while I tell you more about my future career in banking, and maybe I'll scream at you a little more. Oh, you want to put the vase down on the back of my head? OK, I don't understand why you'd want to do that, but go for it. So anyway, let's keep talking about you not knowing what it's like to be disappointed in how your life turned out. OWWWWWWWW! WHAT THE HELL?"

Nice to have you back, Joanie.

5. Sally Draper (down) Last week: 4

Sally knows. Oh, Sally knows. Do you think Bobby came up with that hobo costume, one that mocks Daddy's humble beginnings and hearkens back to his tramp-adjacent days, all by himself? Of course he didn't, if Bobby picked out his own costume he'd go as Snoopy or Barbie or a pile of dirty laundry or something. The kid's not exactly on the Harvard track, you know?

Sally Draper PatricideWatch: Sally, meanwhile, having temporarily set aside her attraction for shiny, edged weapons, was trying out a more exotic method for dealing with the Daddy Problem. She'd stolen one of those spare buttons off his suit jacket's cuff, where he likely wouldn't notice its absence for a while. She'd gotten Mommy to buy her the Gypsy costume, which seemed like an appropriately theatrical way to dress while working the black magic she learned from the book she stole from the Tarrytown Public Library. If things went according to plan, she'd return the cursed button to his suit, then Daddy would seize his chest in the middle of the night, vomit forth a swarm of black locusts, and dissipate into a cloud of dust. Mommy, of course, would be sleeping on the couch again. Then she and Bobby would eat some candy.

Pages: 1 2 3 4