Project Runway Recap: Tired of Their Bolshevik

I wait every year for this Project Runway challenge, where the designers reveal their inspirations, admit this is their first time leaving Omaha, talk about how flowers are "interesting things to look at," and Michael Kors and an extra-special designer (this time, Irina) wonder simultaneously if they're the only living artists left on Earth. Pack your suitcase, page Carmen Sandiego, and get ready for globe-trotting antics featuring lessons from esteemed geography professor Carol Hannah.

The episode begins with prize-winning observations from the gumshoes designers.

Carol Hannah: "It's like, you're wondering, who's going to go next? That's what it's like."

Nicolas: "I have to assert myself as a designer. This whole time I've been asserting myself as an non-designer. I just reread the rules and, admittedly, I was wrong."

Althea: "Making outfits!"

Christopher: "I win and lose a lot, but sometimes I am in the middle. This says something about the competition. I wrote it down with my Troll pen."

On the runway, Heidi stretches her mouth really wildly when she talks. Christopher starts shivering like Heidi is a dark winter night on Lake Minnetonka.

Heidi: "Hallo. Your challenge this week involves a world-renowned designer who is an amateur fly-fisher and a novice carrot. He will have your challenge for you, and, historically, very little patience. Contracts and all. Baiiiiiii."

Tim Gunn reemerges from a night of gunfighting with bad twinks in West Hollywood and carts the remaining kindergarteners (and Gordana) to Rodeo Drive, which is mysteriously golden and cinematic on Project Runway. (It's actually near the worst traffic in Los Angeles, and colors of any kind are shunned there.) The contestants resign themselves to a self-esteem bashing after realizing today's field trip leads directly to the Michael Kors flagship. Logan starts hitting himself for giving up accounting school, and Gordana's ALL CAPS speaking voice fades into world-weary italics.

Meanwhile, Tim thinks this is all very funny.

Tim Gunn: "Designers! We're at the point in the competition where I can't believe half of you are still here. Irina, I just want to throw breadcrumbs at these assholes! How do you contain yourself? And how do you do your hair? Anyway. Today, designers, you're working on behalf of Michael Kors, a famous clothier who used to like appearing on this show. He's going to talk now, if the money is right."

Michael Kors: [snarling] "Designers, I'm so happy about this challenge. You must take a Getty Image of an exotic locale and use it as inspiration for your look. Take for instance this picture of Aspen, where this skier in mid-air looks like an out-of-control helicopter. That's the kind of disturbed fatalist thinking that needs to enter your hemlines. Or, you know, just make a dress that looks like an egg and insults the judges. Who cares? Do what you want. I'm drunk right now and always will be."

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