Glee Wins Madonna Catalog, Chance to Sing About Cross-Country Train Sex

It's officially been a good week for Glee, which has just secured two big deals: 1) a DVD release at year's end, and 2) access to the sacred works of highest-caste leotard god Madonna. EW has it that Glee will film an all-Madonna episode early next year featuring songs from the pop star's ouevre. The Fox show prides itself on picking unusual, controversial songs to pad its running time, and this occasion should be no different. After the jump, Movieline selects its most preferred, and most challenging Madonna classics for Glee.

1. "Justify My Love"

The world has an admirable habit of trying to forget blatant Public Enemy rip-offs and Lenny Kravitz's songwriting in general, but Glee should make an exception in this case. "Justify My Love" is a semi-racy song whose horniest coo is, "I wanna run naked in a rainstorm / make love in a train cross-country." Sue Sylvester mutters something a hundred times more lurid every week. If they can make this song work (perhaps by giving it to Sue? Out-of-the-box-thinking, world), the episode enters the realm of legend.

2. "Open Your Heart"

Plenty would argue that "Vogue" is the quintessential show choir tune for its easy choreography, but "Open Your Heart" is a tinge more urgent, even carnal. If Rachel's going to profess to Finn, "Open Your Heart" would lend the show immediacy. Anything but a teary-eyed, lovelorn ballad, please. No one needs to hear "Love Don't Live Here Anymore" when the mind is settling in for a night's slumber.

3. "Love Profusion"

Mind you, the core of Glee is saccharine, not sultry. The oft-forgotten, pleasant single from the self-serious drudge of American Life references Cole Porter (a glee-clubber totem) and a worldly confusion that matches the average tenth-grader's hormonal discontent.

4. "Borderline"

Will, the glee club coach, requires a fun, frothy tune to ignite his troops. He's also mildly inappropriate with those kids, and "Borderline" provides the right level of orgasm imagery to keep fans titillated and a little worried.

5. "You'll See"

To clarify: I condemn lovelorn ballads for Glee sampling, not ballads in general. Since it's possible that Madonna will appear in the episode, why not cast her as an life-wary voice instructor and pair her with that cherubic fashionista Kurt for a duet of her most mature tribute to self-empowerment? No Andrew Lloyd Webber bombast necessary.

'Glee' Exclusive! Madonna is on Board! Is Adam Lambert Next? [EW]