Mad Men Power Rankings, Week 10: 'Enjoy The World As It Is, Margaret. They'll Change It And Never Give You A Reason.'

2. Betty Draper (even) Last week: 2

"Dearest Henry,

I'm terribly sorry about the awkwardness of my earlier phone call. I don't use the phone much anymore, and I apologize after the fact for being unable to to accurately express my thoughts about the possibility -- oh, the delicious, dizzying possibility! -- that you may have called my home and hung up when you heard my daughter's voice. Let me ask you something: did you clear your office upon hearing I was on the line, and then smile smugly, knowing it was only a matter of time before I came crawling back to you to finally consummate our affair? I bet you did. I know that you told me you don't want to play games with phone calls. So I'm writing you again, in the tradition of so many of literature's finest forbidden romances, to tell you about the awful thing that just happened. You see, I was just minding my business, rifling through my husband's pockets, when some keys fell out. Instantly, I knew they'd unlock the drawer on Don's desk that I've been unsuccessfully trying to pry open with various kitchen utensils for years. And, voila, it opens. There was some money, but whatever, who doesn't keep several thousand dollars in cash locked up in a desk drawer these days? But there was also a shoebox, and everyone knows that a shoebox kept under lock and key contains a man's terrible, terrible secrets. Inside this shoebox were some photos with some names written on them -- not Don's name! -- a deed to some property I don't know about, some Army junk, and, most chillingly a divorce certificate. With Don's name on it, as well as the name of some whore to whom he was apparently married during his mysterious past. Oh, Henry, I was so stunned and hurt and confused I had Carla take the kids away so that I could get properly liquored up while staring at the shoebox and waiting for a confrontation when Don came home. Which he never did, because of that crazypants Connie Hilton! I'm starting to suspect that Don is sleeping with him! And then Don expects me to go to a party an be his arm-candy? The nerve!

In any case, this is just my long-winded way of saying hold on a little longer. I think I'm going to let you have your way with me, eventually, pending the outcome of our fight over the shoebox.

Yours,

B."

3. Roger Sterling (even) Last week: 3

You know what really chaps Roger's ass? Having to chap Don's ass in front of a ballroom full of rich people, all of whom think he's some kind of genius for farting out bullshit about potato chips or crash-prone airplanes or diet soda. His firm was built on the expert knob-polishing talents of accounts men, not on the copy of guys he found working at a fur company while they finished night school. Still, nobody gives a better speech he doesn't believe than Roger Sterling. It's what good accounts people do.

4. Peggy Olson (up) Last week: bubble

Peggy's good. She's getting better. She's not asking for things. Perhaps because Duck Phillips is giving her everything she needs, and by "everything she needs" we mean "five-hour lunchtime lovemaking/lingerie-munching sessions in an expensive hotel suite," if you catch our drift about all the sex she's having with an older man named for a waterfowl. (Are we ever going to let Pegs live down the Duck thing? No, no we are not.) Even after the layoff of a couple of under-serviced weeks, Peggy jumped backed into action, enraging Kinsey by improving his Aquanet pitch, then later saving him and impressing Don by having some well-timed inspiration about the Western Union campaign. She's more than earned a high position in her return to the rankings

5. Sally Draper (up) Last week: 6

"Why don't we go to Church?" asked Sally.

"We don't need to go every week," answered Betty.

Sally Draper PatricideWatch: Momentarily conflicted by her impulse to one day butcher her father as he naps away a three-old-fashioned Sunday afternoon on the couch, Sally reached out to Mommy for some religious guidance, hoping a last-ditch reinvestment in their faith might help dispel her upsetting urge to kill. Mommy, however, thinks a token visit to Church for Christmas is plenty, a tragic decision that may drive Sally to fill the spiritual void in her life by taking up with a murderous cult that encourages her patricidal bent. (And gives her a cool nickname, like "Squeaky Sally.")

6. Lane Pryce (up) Last week: unranked

"Churchill rousing, or Hitler rousing?" Actually, we're going to go with "Chamberlain rousing."

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