Project Runway Recap: Playing Dirrty

The designers slap each other with glee and trot to Mood for fabrics. Mysteriously, for a challenge devoted to gaudy stagewear, no one is picking any color. A melange of sparkly white, black, and gray fabrics leave the store, leading viewers to believe that none of the designers know who Cher is. (How very Bradley Baumkirchner of them!) There's an air of failure stinking up the episode already, and Nina Garcia hasn't even howled at the sky and thrown her mechanical limbs at a plebeian yet.

And now, a smattering of almost-actual dialogue:

Christopher: "I want to make an '80s punk prom look. Nothing can go wrong with this idea! The '80s ruled! I was born in 2002."

Carol Hannah: "I never do things this over the top! It's causing me to hesitate. Well, that and... Logan's beauty. (Naughty saxophone interlude). His arched brow. His sharpened chin. His confusion with sentences. Meow, I say! Not that he's still in the game just because the producers wanted a romance to blossom. Not at all. I just love him! I want to use his metallic cheekbones as a foxy protractor, I swear."

Logan: "I don't follow Christina Aguilera as much as the others. My design aesthetic is different than hers. She's more 'Glam' and I'm more a 'Heterosexual Void.' Someone feed me."

Nicolas: "I have waited every day of my life to meet Bob Mackie. This is the greatest episode of Project Runway ever. Ever! Christina Aguilera is also a huge innovator. She made it OK for girls to catapult their cleavage right into the face of society and drive a wedge into sexism using only her areolas. Did I mention that sometimes when I close my eyes, I am her?"

Gordana: "(Whispering) THIS IS NOT SUM'TING I WILL BE PROUD OF. OH, THE EMBERS OF A CHILDHOOD SPENT IN A HAUNTED LUMBERYARD. THEY SINGE MY AMBITION TO PLEASE MS. CHRISTINA. I HAVE TO BE SPEEDY GONZALES IF I AM TO WIN THIS CHALLENGE. NO, NOT THE CARTOON CHARACTER. I'M REFERRING TO THE SPANISH TYCOON WHO TURNED MY VILLAGE INTO EXPERIMENTAL PLANT FOR MAKING PAPER OUT OF ENDANGERED BIRDS. HE IS BRUSQUE IN MANNER, BUT INSPIRATIONAL IN HIS ACHIEVEMENT. I AM FEELING FRAZZLED! OR IS IT AGE-OLD RADIOACTIVITY? ONE RARELY KNOWS."

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