Project Runway Recap: Bride's Dress Revisited

The designers only have a day to finish their entire look, so Shirin starts backtracking and stitching artsy seams into her design. Within seconds, her dress looks better -- adorable, even. She says, "At this point, I'm not concerned about making a dress that will restart [her client's] life. I'm concerned about making a dress that won't get me voted off." Irina chimes in, "Selfishness is life!" and downs a shot. Notoriously unfunny Nicolas says he hates his own design and shoots a side-eye at the camera during the fitting. It is funny. Wow. I really like this episode, weirdly.

On to the runway, where Michael Kors, the always-better-than-Zoe-Glassner Zanna Roberts, and Jimmy Choo bigwig Tamara Mellon comprise a delightfully cross-legged judging panel. Let's rip the runway's highs, lows, and Eastern European victories.

-Logan has created a ruffled, dowdy top with (and I have the acumen to express this) the worst pants in Project Runway history. In fact, this is one of the worst designs the show has ever seen. In fact, why is Logan here? Heidi says she is speechless, meaning she's just attracted to him and will let it slide.

-Irina sends down a remarkable, deep champagne lace dress that looks a tinge too precious and matronly for me. That said, it's a brilliantly crafted look, and I fully expect over 20 minutes of bragging from her at the top of next episode.

-Shirin's short cocktail dress with a black sash seems pedestrian at first, but her circular seaming turns the dress into high-end material. Mellon notes that the geometric lines are right on trend, and Michael Kors produces a switchblade upon hearing that Shirin ditched the "Cher in Half-Breed" idea.

-Gordana produces a smoke-gray dress that hugs her model's contours with exquisite ribbing. Kors notes that it's edgy and chic, and Heidi hides her clear Gordana contempt for a few euphoric moments.

-Christopher shoots out a puffy dress black-and-white dress that isn't horrible under heavy lighting. That said, it fits like a plastic bag. Kors comes in with the jab, "It's like a metallic hefty bag cinched at the west," and my new role model Zanna Roberts says, "Oh, it's stretch? Hmm. It's a stretch." Zoe Glassner, how could you be more dead to me?

-Epperson's dress is gross -- a cheap white look with an overly stuff black-and-white bodice. It also uses very little of the original wedding dress, just as Epperson promised. Heidi throws her hands up and says, "I thought I made myself clear. You were supposed to work with the wedding dress. Your client, she didn't ask for an Oktoberfest moment. Or a pirate's wench. Or the death of decency."

Start up the fanfare, because Gordana WINS! She runs off the runway after administering a speedy bicycle kick to Irina's face. Logan and Epperson make up the Bottom Two; now, while Epperson's is terrible, Logan's work is truly unforgivable -- and barely wearable. This is why it's bizarre that Epperson is sent home. He almost won two challenges, and Logan has not once produced memorable work. I left this episode perturbed, which is a real accomplishment considering Gordana's humankind-redeeming victory.

Next week: The Contempt From Columbia, Miss Nina Garcia, returns! Judging by the preview, she has not learned any diplomatic smiling techniques in her absence. Things affirmed by this fact: Reasons to live.

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