Tom Delay's Brief Tenure on Dancing with the Stars: A Booty-Bouncing Retrospective

During last night's edition of Tom Bergeron Can't Even Conceal His Resentment Dancing with the Stars, America sent home Beethoven tormentor Debi Mazar -- and former Republican House Majority Leader Tom Delay withdrew from the competition due to stress fractures in both of his feet. That puts a significant stress fracture in (sigh) my feelings. While Mya may have out-sashayed him and Donny Osmond may have outclassed him, Tom Delay's brief DWTS career provided enough jive-ass Republican fun for an entire season of 24.

In week one, Delay debuted his now-signature ass-wiggle-plus-finger-pointing combination that would serve him well throughout the competition. The Cha-Cha-Cha may have only won him 16 points, but it earned him his first glimpse of Muppet-like awe from Bruno Tonioli.

Second week marked an unfortunate downswing for Delay, and not just in the direction of his ass-popping. Tying for the lowest score of the week, Delay almost dropped partner Cheryl Burke during the conclusion of their tango. Still, the effort was valiant.

In his last performance, Delay dressed like a old-timey carnival barker for a samba set to War's "Why Can't We Be Friends?" But naughty finger-waving and subconscious lip-syncing couldn't save him this time -- the stress fractures had taken over, and the ebullient, glistening Tom Delay of our Beauty School Dropout-style fantasies was gone forever.