David Letterman's Love Letters to Stephanie Birkitt: A Movieline Reenactment

From: Dave

To: Smitty

Subject: RE:

Date: Tue, 8 Jul 2008 01:42:46 -0400

Got back to Connecticut after a much-needed break from reality down at the ranch. Found a voicemail waiting for me from Paul, which struck me as extremely odd since as you well know we haven't spoken to one another off camera since '94. I'll have Caryn call him a little later, but god help him if this is about another raise or that charity fundraiser thing with Stevie Nicks he's been yammering on about this week.

I think I'm going to tell Lorenzo the limo guy to take a day off tomorrow. To me, and I suspect no one else on earth, there is something wonderful about listening to the WNBC news team playing on those little TV screens in the back of a cab, air conditioner running, the pungent smell of acrid, spicy B.O. permeating the back seat, the tranquility that comes with scooting up 6th Ave. as a homeless man urinates on the passenger side window at a stoplight, the day breaking and those plexiglass bagel stands on wheels coming alive. Enough about my love of Manhattan in the morning.

While I was slaving through another Will It Float rehearsal, you were no doubt sweating away at your spinning classes at the Equinox in Darien. You are aware that the lonely housewives in those bicycle stirrups are mentally infirm and have crippling eating disorders, are you not? (I'm just yanking your chain, Smitty.)

I think I'm finally ready to get some shut eye. It's 4 a.m. and Caryn's been nodding off over here by my office nightstand. I'll more fully flesh out my thoughts and feelings about you tomorrow or Wednesday. Remember the time I made Tony write out that Valentine's Day love letter to you on cue cards and I read the whole thing to you in front of a packed audience and mailed you the videotape? That was pretty ballsy, in retrospective.

P.S. I don't want to get your hopes too high, but when I say something insignificant is on its way I'm a man of my word! It wont (sic) be worthy of wearing around your wrist on a tennis court ... though keep your eyes peeled under the staff Christmas tree for a small package with your name on it .... but I was just going to find the movie Cabin Boy as we had spoken of it last Thursday. Its music was pleasant and made me think of you -- its mood and the notion of a wealthy heir mistakenly going out to sea on a yacht called the Filthy Whore certainly fit ... (not that I'm suggesting you're a Filthy Whore or yacht-sized, but more that we are setting out on exciting hijinx together, destination unknown)

That's all folks. Good night for now...

----------------------------------------------

Pages: 1 2 3