Stupid Blackmailer Tricks: How Joe Halderman Shook Down the King of Late Night

There's no denying that last night's stunning, riveting, intermittently humorous and deeply uncomfortable revelation from David Letterman that he'd been the target of an extortion attempt made for great television. But just why Dave, so deeply private a man, would choose to fling a laundromat's worth of dirty clothes off the Ed Sullivan Theater marquee is a matter of debate. But he did, which means we're all implicated at this point, to some extent. Here's what we've learned about the blackmailer, the mistress and the $2 million screenplay since then:

The alleged extortionist's name is Robert Joel Halderman, who goes by Joe Halderman. He's 51, and the winner of seven Emmy Awards over the course of his 25-year journalistic career, over the course of which he covered three wars and directed Beslan: Three Days in September, narrated Julia Roberts. Most recently, he was producing true crime investigation segments for 48 Hours. TMZ reports a divorce settlement with his ex-wife in 2004 required him to pay $6,800 a month in child and spousal support, for three years. A press conference from the Manhattan DA Robert Morgenthau revealed that three meetings had occurred between Halderman and Letterman's lawyers; at the end of the third, a bogus check for $2 million was handed over. It was deposited, and bounced. Halderman was then arrested outside CBS headquarters, to the shock of just about all of his co-workers.

The evidence Halderman presented Letterman with consisted of a diary, correspondences and photos -- all between the talk show host and Stephanie Birkitt. Birkitt was one of a flock of female assistants Letterman kept, and was greatly favored by Letterman. She appeared regularly on camera during in-studio comedy bits, and was even dispatched as the show's Olympics correspondent at the 2002 Winter Games in Salt Lake City, and then again at the 2006 Games in Turin. Here she is during an awkward appearance in the middle of Know Your Current Events:

What she lacked in comedic timing, she made up for in -- well, we're not entirely sure. You'll notice in the sketch that Letterman called Birkitt "Vicky" and she in return called him "Mr. Carney" -- just two of the secret-code pet nicknames they had for one another.

So Vicky -- uh, Stephanie -- was living with Halderman until recently. What's still not clear is what happened between then and the morning of September 9th, when Halderman waited outside Letterman's home to give him the package of incriminating evidence. Included with it was a letter, the NY Times reports, in which he discussed needing to "make a large chunk of money" by selling his "'screenplay treatment.' The letter discussed Mr. Letterman's professional success and made a reference to his 'beautiful loving son.' The letter also said that Mr. Letterman's 'world is about to collapse around him' and that he would have a 'ruined reputation.'"

We're reminded of something four-term Louisiana Governor Edwin Edwards once said: "The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with either a dead girl or a live boy." Better luck next time, Halderman.