Celebrity Look-Alike Sperm Bank Can Give You That Little Joe Jonas or Brad Garrett You've Always Dreamed Of
Ingenuity springs from necessity, as evidenced by California Cryobank, an L.A. sperm repository who responded to flagging sales by offering a cutting-edge new service: celebrity look-alike spunk. Which isn't to say they've handed a plastic cup and the April '78 issue of Chic to some Vegas-based 73-year-old Burt Reynolds impersonator and ushered him into a sleekly furnished Ejacuchamber to do his thing. Rather, they've classified their inventory according to the male celebrity its donor resembles most.
Browse their handy search menu, and choose as many as you like. Care for a Prince William/Leif Garrett "young"/Adrian Zmed smoothie? Then perhaps Donor 11422 ("Sensitive, generous, and intellectual, and loves to cook!") will be to your liking.
Or maybe you just want some straight-up Brad Garrett. If that's the case, however, we recommend foregoing the $499-per-vial fee and just getting the actual Garrett to knock you up, which will only end up costing you the cover charge to Pure and a few strategically dropped compliments of the "they really should have called it Everybody Loves Robert"- variety.
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Comments
At the end of the day, I think you're still getting a baster full of Little Barney Gumble.
I wonder if California Cryobank would be willing to pay you, should you choose to take all of the Howie Mandel vials off their hands.
"Thanks a million, we really had our supply & demand ratios backwards for our 'This Is Howie Do It' promotional offer."