Everybody Welcome Val Kilmer's Instant Junk Classic Streets of Blood to DVD!

Streets of Blood would probably qualify for enshrinement among this site's Bad Movies We Love if any of us had been able to view it prior to today, when the Val Kilmer/Sharon Stone/50 Cent corruption-in-New Orleans thriller finally makes its domestic debut via DVD. But we'll always have the trailer to consider for our Two-Minute Verdict -- a red-band, NSFW marvel of genre archetypes, ethnic stereotypes, filthy language, guns, scowls, and, from Stone, perhaps the worst Southern accent in modern cinema. Oh, and yes -- plenty of blood.

The city of New Orleans itself can't be too thrilled with its depiction here, where a lawless post-Katrina hellscape triggers a battle for urban control between corrupt cops like Andy Devereaux and Stan Green (Kilmer and 50 Cent), greaseballs, cholos, pimps, drug kingpins... you name it. There's not an inch of the city where someone isn't plotting his or her takeover, at least until the slow-motion gunplay that casts his/her viscera onto the dull beige walls of a FEMA trailer somewhere.

Meanwhile, internal affairs guru Sharon Stone (that would be Oscar-nominee Sharon Stone) seeks answers from Kilmer's rogue cop with a fascinating new dialect of drawl: "There have been foe-ah lethal shootins in three yee-ahs," she reminds him, only to be one-upped by Fitty's later rejoinder, "Guys like Andy and me? We're all that stands between people like you and the end of the muthafuckin' world!" One look at this city, though, and you kind of wish they'd move out of the way and get on with armageddon already.

In any case, even their last line of defense can't protect Blood from its straight-to-DVD destiny. It might thrive online as well, where you can seemingly make your own edit with the abundant clips available on YouTube. Here's hoping for such a renaissance; there's some trash you just don't throw out.

VERDICT: Sold!